COFFEE and Finding Your Complimentary

I think it was after my former brother in law divorced, that my mom said to me (as we were discussing these events), it is important to marry, "your compliment."  In other words, it's beneficial to marry someone that will compliment you - together you two bring out the very best ONE person.

For many many people, making coffee is as simple as scooping coffee into the machine, adding water and turning on the coffee maker.  Out comes a great tasting cup of coffee.  Not, so much, for me.

Seriously.

Today's pot I made with half the normal water - which I knew going into the process, but it wasn't until it was dripping that I remembered that I did NOT cut the amount of coffee put in.  

My current fella, while he makes some strong coffee...it tastes good, I can add cream and sugar and still really enjoy it.

Find your complimentary person.

The Pit Bull

I'll keep this short and sweet.... sarcastically she says.

I called my ex husband, he wasn't there.  I left a message, asking him to call me.

Later that night, I received a TEXT.  From his (new - about 3 years now) wife.

"It told me that my ex husband would not be able to return my call for at least a couple days.  If it was an emergency, to let HER know and SHE would pass on my message."

HUH?

1) I didn't call HER, nor did I give HER my cell number or "authority" to text me.

2) Did he EVEN get my message?  (It's been 10 days and I haven't heard from him)

3) IF IT had been an emergency, He really would not be the first person I would call - and if he was the person that I needed to call, I would not call her to pass on the message.  Hell, I would call HIS mother.

Careful of who you do hook up with, you do not want to be married to the "guard dog," let alone one that reminds others of a pit bull.

The Facade

I am considering (highly) contacting my ex-husband.  This will be the first time in, heavens, years.  At least 5 if not more.  Wow, where did the time go?

There was once a time that I thought it would never end.  That he would be on my mind always.  That, in some ways, I would never love another, like him.  

I have one last .... need.  I won't go into it,  here.  It's very private for me.  However 9 years ago, he offered something and I didn't take it because of my own pride.  Well, I'm swallowing my pride.

My question, my reason for contacting him is a thought I've had. And until Tuesday, I honestly thought "you can't."  However I shared it with another, my "thing," this last piece of my history really that I want to put to bed.  That is haunting me and I don't want to carry it anymore.  It is the last thing.

In some ways, I suppose my own facade.

That point, "my own facade," came shockingly, just now.  This post actually began about him.  

In some sense, he has moved on, quite a bit.  I don't doubt that, I never have.  He married approximately 3 years ago.  To a woman who really does have her own issues.  

It isn't that the family doesn't like her, nor is it that it appears she doesn't like them.  I don't know the issues, nor do I care.  I find them interesting, when I am around all of them.  This division; this woman controlling my ex-husband in a manner so surprising to me.  I never did. It was always his mom, controlling him.

Up until he ran into this "new wife," he would at least speak to me, in public.  For about a year, that hurt, his behavior towards me.  I wondered "what did I do?"  And then with time, and help from friends, I realized, I did nothing.  It was, it is, her.

SHE HAS and he has allowed her influence to make it so HE HAS, an issue with the ex-wife, who has absolutely nothing specifically, nothing purposely to do with them.

SHE HAS issues.  Simple as that.

And as I ponder calling him, wondering if she will come into the picture - even though it isn't about her - it's between him and I - it dawned on me,

his behavior, when I am around, could very well be a facade.

It isn't that his feelings for me have changed to something bad, and it isn't necessarily that he is letting her control him and how he behaves.... it is that he, may very well, be embarrassed ?  that he got into a relationship in which he again, has to bow to another.  That in order to make this relationship work, he has to pretend and allow her to call the shots??

Ah... Valentine's Day

Again, it's Valentine's Day.

Another day, we hope, we pray, we desire....

someone of "our" interest will show us 

they are interested.

This year, for the first time in 10 years,

I have a Valentine.

However, he lives 5 hours away.

I won't be spending the day with him.

The mixed emotions of the whole deal is that

I believe every day out ought to be Valentines' Day.

It shouldn't just be one day out of the year....or maybe two...

Birthdays, that we bat our eyes, dress to the nines and 

share "sweet SOMETHINGS."

However to have someone that I rather like kissing,

holding hands, and just hanging out with...

and yet, not be able to kiss, hug, or be with,

is,

kind of sad.

I will miss not having him here.

The flip side of the coin is,

my beloved "crush" from this time, 

last year.

He's with the girl he was dating

a year ago.

That's nice, isn't it?

Though they did break up for a short amount of time,

and it would be, it seems,

after they got back together,

that he shared with  her,

how I chased him,

a year ago.

And I did.

I asked him out,

I flirted with him,

and with time,

I even 

Made

him

let 

me

take

a sip

of 

his

"expensive"

drink.

The look on his face,

Priceless.

Especially since

by then,

I had

NO

NONE

interest in him.

I laugh

when I see them.

Because whenever they think I am looking

specifically

AT THEM,

they mesh into this deep throat kiss.

I have that affect on them.

So I think I'll put on my happy face

for Valentines Day

even though my true crush

is 5 hours away,

I will see if I can spark someone else's passion.

Bat my eye lashes,

and move on down the road!

The Maggot

And so it is, the fella that was once a stepping stone, has finally earned himself a real nick name.

THE MAGGOT

We'd already given out the name of "Cockroach" to someone, what was left? I'm sure there is more.

Though like the stepping stones, some things have been learned.  Surprising things, even.

Said friend, states how she likes a "tight ass."  It's all about the butt for her.

Frankly I don't give that part of the human body a lot of thought, unless of course it is fat and unattractive.

I think she, unknowingly, to her, has moved "up" in her world.

Because with the Maggot, 1) we never really saw his butt.  The only time his butt was presented in public, was when he was working as a waiter; the rest of the time,  2) His butt was covered up by "Painter" pants.  Painter pants are rarely tight.  3) That part of his physique was also covered up by a too-large t-shirt that he always wore loose.  It was never tucked in.  So frankly, we never saw his butt.

His personality:  total ass.

So the next time my friend says, "yes, but I am a 'tight ass' person," I am going to point out - Maggot's ass was never a factor when you fell for him, so the ass is not what you need to worry about.  You need to focus on their personality.

Stepping Stones

It is so much easier to look from the outside in, than it is to look from the inside out.

To be able to watch your friend being visually de-clothed by the guy next to her and cringe, want to grab her and run, is easier than being the girl being looked at.  It's also easier to say, "don't give your name out" to your friend, than being the person in that situation and when asked "what is your name?"  you tell them.

And even though your friend knows that you think the guy is manipulative, that he will hurt her, she sometimes simply has to go through the whole "relationship" - whatever that may consist of - in order to move past that stone.

Yep, some "relationships" are just stepping stones to who we are meant to be; and who we are meant to be with - whether that be with someone worthy of a relationship, or by ourselves.  

SCORE for the BOLD

It really was a priceless moment, when at the bar, we halted right in front of my Dumbass, who had just gotten himself a drink.

He is so very arrogant. 

He says, "hello ladies," as though we are there to see HIM.  And he held his drink out in such a way, I truly could not keep myself from grabbing it.

But OH NO... along with arrogance comes selfishness.

He couldn't, wouldn't let go of that drink.  Goodness no.

So I merely grabbed the two straws in the drink and took quite a sip, as he and my friends watched.  You could see he had NOT one idea what to do, what to think or barely what to say.  He merely said, "it's Tanqueray Gin and Tonic," and walked back to his girlfriend.

My friends watched me in shock, surprise and ultimately, in humor.  Did she really do that?