It really was a priceless moment, when at the bar, we halted right in front of my Dumbass, who had just gotten himself a drink.
He is so very arrogant.
He says, "hello ladies," as though we are there to see HIM. And he held his drink out in such a way, I truly could not keep myself from grabbing it.
But OH NO... along with arrogance comes selfishness.
He couldn't, wouldn't let go of that drink. Goodness no.
So I merely grabbed the two straws in the drink and took quite a sip, as he and my friends watched. You could see he had NOT one idea what to do, what to think or barely what to say. He merely said, "it's Tanqueray Gin and Tonic," and walked back to his girlfriend.
My friends watched me in shock, surprise and ultimately, in humor. Did she really do that?
Looking for my Dance Partner....
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
The "Joker"
Ever have a time, when 10 minutes after you've just said "Yes," you frantically search your mind for a way to get out of the situation, and yet, you just can't???
Well, that happened a couple weeks ago. My friend had just performed on stage, with a belly dance. It was amazing and beautiful. Saying hello, good byes, etc., on the way out, a friend of her's who was talking to a young man, suggested he make a "play" for her. Get to know her. So he came outside, to where the Librarian, the News Reporter and I were standing, and immediately asked her "can I buy you dinner (across the street)?" She responded, "Sure, can my friends go?" And away the 4 of us went.
We weren't even across the street when he yells back over to the theater, "Mom, we're going over for dinner. Come on over."
The 4 of us get inside, and the hostess seats us. We are barely sat down, when "Mom," and her best friend show up. Mom is asking "how are we all going to fit at this table?"
Um..... oh .... how do I get out of this??
Before my mind can even finish that question, we area whisked off to a table that will seat 6 of us.
Once seated, menus appearing, we have a good look at one another.
The young man who has asked my friend out, is a rather interesting looking young man. Long narrow face with blond hair, equally thin body. He gazes intently at my girlfriend; as the night would drag on, I could see him taking her clothes off with his eyes. I suppose that is really what men do, especially in the beginning, however to watch it occur - is something else.
Mom, whose name I have forgotten, probably because she was so obnoxious, reminded me of an uneducated (if there could be) Erin Brockovich, and very NEEDY. She had this hair that was everywhere. Glasses. Some little top on with literally a "Ribbon" as though she had won some award at the 4-H Fair that said "Birthday Girl," and a skirt with the top yoke being of a denim skirt and pockets attached to black gauze.
Kimberly, Mom's friend, had on a blue shirt that had Tinker Bell on it. In addition, she had her hair up in an orange (to match part of her shirt) banana clip; what hair didn't fit into that, was held up with matching colored hair clips. Her earrings were in a complimentary color (though within the colors of her t-shirt) and feathers. She had on what I would describe as bike shorts under her very short shorts. And she carried on, "Oh I have never eaten here...what's good? Have you eaten here? What do you recommend???"
This young man, as the night wore on... reminded me of Heath Ledger as the "Joker" in Batman. And somewhat of Jim Carey, though his looks are rather neither.
The Joker, this young man, would spend his time gaulking at my friend, and having semi-serious discussions with his mom. He would announce rather early in the dinner (before we even ordered) that he and his mom had spent a good 30 years not talking to one another, however they seemed to have recently reconciled.
And thank goodness for that.... I can't imagine WHAT dinner would have been like, otherwise.
The Joker would inform us that he had done 5 years for the State of Wyoming (his mom assured us that not all that time was at the State Penitentiary), however he would clarify, if not for us, definitely for his mom, that he did do 5 years... for selling Meth.
Now he was building expensive tiled Thrones (bathrooms) for people. That he liked to "Create."
I did take the lead in ordering; the kitchen was going to close shortly, they couldn't make up their minds because every so often a fight would erupt between them. The Joker would order Scotch and Water; it made an impression on me as he was very particular as to the type of Scotch, and yet he didn't finish his drink.
The Joker's movements were that of a scary Jim Carey movie; definitely someone who has ADHD. And has used meth? He certainly spoke to my girlfriend, and when she wasn't looking - admiring what he thought she'd look like naked. Though he'd have to flip over to his mom and her girlfriend, as though he was on a date with 3 women at once.
The News Reporter and I, made light talk with them, though basically all we could really do is watch, as this unfolded.
Kimberly, mom's friend, would ask The Joker, WHY her son referred to her as, called her and apparently everyone else, a "bitch." The Joker would respond, "because you don't show him unconditional love. Your love for him has conditions. Do you ever JUST LISTEN to him?? All he wants is for you to LISTEN to him." Well, Kimberly could barely just listen to the Joker; I really have no idea how she could "just listen" to her own son. And I wanted to pipe up and say, "children that call their parents such names, probably 1) learned it from someone, such as a father/boyfriend/brother, and 2) were ignored as children by said people, 3) are very angry. I didn't, mainly because I just wanted to eat dinner and get out.
The Joker's mom would ask, after the f-bomb was dropped a few times - by her son, to her; by her son, in front of her, by her son... "Would you say 'fuck' in front of your mom?"
HA!
My girlfriend said no.
I said, "I've been saying it since I was 4. My mom's heard it from my mouth, many times."
I know Kimberly was shocked.
There would be some small talk, or short conversations about the show we had just seen, and if they performed every week, etc. The conversations were short as invariably the Joker's mom would say something and he'd have to turn to her, and in a hushed shout, tell her .... basically... why... he thought (that she was an idiot).
Mom would share with the News Reporter and myself that she had 2 more boys, twins... one lived - where? She would have to ask the Joker, where Nick lived. The other son, he lived in California and is an eternal college student. That's all he does, is go to school.
She would also share that she has NO IDEA how her kids got like they did. Again, I wanted to say, "REALLY? You are so needy at this ripe old age of??? and you don't know how your children...all 3 of them...got this way."
Now I do realize, that children can be different than parents expect them. Whether they are gay, or an artist, or Magic Johnson or Led Zepplan, they can be very different. Though seriously, when all 3 cut the tie and Mom is overbearing, it's hard NOT to say... "Did you every think about someone besides yourself?" to mom.
Mom would also complain that the State of Wyoming would move the Joker from the local jail for NO REASON...to another part of the State. Then to another town jail; never telling her...after she traveled through a SNOW storm, had to get a tow truck (I didn't hear why, and I didn't ask), go through all this stuff (another time, the story would have been "I had to walk 20 miles in snow as deep as your ass, with only sandals on, wind blowing everything about and it was at least 50 below) only to find out that they had moved her son, and no one bothered to tell her. And WHY?? I offered up a suggestion as to why, and Mom, she wanted none of it. Nope, she asked "why did they have to move him away from her?" and yet "already had the answer." Okay.
The meal would end with the Joker basically ignoring my girlfriend (he had, thankfully ignored me during this time - or maybe I ignored him as my system was a bit in overload, either way) so that he could, in this hushed yell, tell his mom off. Tell her exactly what "true, real love" is - what it isn't. He sounded just like a born-again Christian.... learning to reconcile his life and where he went wrong by doing drugs (what caused him to go down that route) as he told his mom, what LOVE is. And What it Is Not.
My girlfriend wouldn't leave; even though the News Reporter skipped over to another table and I'm not sure he ever returned. Maybe to say "thank you for dinner" because the Joker DID, in fact, buy us all (including Mom and Kimberly) dinner and drinks. My girlfriend said, "I cannot repay rudeness with rudeness."
Um.... I can understand that. Though she and I do disagree on this one. As I said later, even a " 'good date' has to come to an end."
And so it was with a final, desperation, really, on my part...to get her away from him.... that I walked up to her (as she was finally standing at the table, trying to say good-night to him), and I said, "Girlfriend, I NEED you to drive me home." (If she can't do this for herself, then I, as her wing man, can. Remember that... a Good Wing Man does her best to keep her friend from harm)
My biggest fear, and I did express this to her and the News Reporter, as we left, was that he would come find her - where she worked. He showed up at her place of employment the next day....and then again this past week....here is the proof:
Well, that happened a couple weeks ago. My friend had just performed on stage, with a belly dance. It was amazing and beautiful. Saying hello, good byes, etc., on the way out, a friend of her's who was talking to a young man, suggested he make a "play" for her. Get to know her. So he came outside, to where the Librarian, the News Reporter and I were standing, and immediately asked her "can I buy you dinner (across the street)?" She responded, "Sure, can my friends go?" And away the 4 of us went.
We weren't even across the street when he yells back over to the theater, "Mom, we're going over for dinner. Come on over."
The 4 of us get inside, and the hostess seats us. We are barely sat down, when "Mom," and her best friend show up. Mom is asking "how are we all going to fit at this table?"
Um..... oh .... how do I get out of this??
Before my mind can even finish that question, we area whisked off to a table that will seat 6 of us.
Once seated, menus appearing, we have a good look at one another.
The young man who has asked my friend out, is a rather interesting looking young man. Long narrow face with blond hair, equally thin body. He gazes intently at my girlfriend; as the night would drag on, I could see him taking her clothes off with his eyes. I suppose that is really what men do, especially in the beginning, however to watch it occur - is something else.
Mom, whose name I have forgotten, probably because she was so obnoxious, reminded me of an uneducated (if there could be) Erin Brockovich, and very NEEDY. She had this hair that was everywhere. Glasses. Some little top on with literally a "Ribbon" as though she had won some award at the 4-H Fair that said "Birthday Girl," and a skirt with the top yoke being of a denim skirt and pockets attached to black gauze.
Kimberly, Mom's friend, had on a blue shirt that had Tinker Bell on it. In addition, she had her hair up in an orange (to match part of her shirt) banana clip; what hair didn't fit into that, was held up with matching colored hair clips. Her earrings were in a complimentary color (though within the colors of her t-shirt) and feathers. She had on what I would describe as bike shorts under her very short shorts. And she carried on, "Oh I have never eaten here...what's good? Have you eaten here? What do you recommend???"
This young man, as the night wore on... reminded me of Heath Ledger as the "Joker" in Batman. And somewhat of Jim Carey, though his looks are rather neither.
The Joker, this young man, would spend his time gaulking at my friend, and having semi-serious discussions with his mom. He would announce rather early in the dinner (before we even ordered) that he and his mom had spent a good 30 years not talking to one another, however they seemed to have recently reconciled.
And thank goodness for that.... I can't imagine WHAT dinner would have been like, otherwise.
The Joker would inform us that he had done 5 years for the State of Wyoming (his mom assured us that not all that time was at the State Penitentiary), however he would clarify, if not for us, definitely for his mom, that he did do 5 years... for selling Meth.
Now he was building expensive tiled Thrones (bathrooms) for people. That he liked to "Create."
I did take the lead in ordering; the kitchen was going to close shortly, they couldn't make up their minds because every so often a fight would erupt between them. The Joker would order Scotch and Water; it made an impression on me as he was very particular as to the type of Scotch, and yet he didn't finish his drink.
The Joker's movements were that of a scary Jim Carey movie; definitely someone who has ADHD. And has used meth? He certainly spoke to my girlfriend, and when she wasn't looking - admiring what he thought she'd look like naked. Though he'd have to flip over to his mom and her girlfriend, as though he was on a date with 3 women at once.
The News Reporter and I, made light talk with them, though basically all we could really do is watch, as this unfolded.
Kimberly, mom's friend, would ask The Joker, WHY her son referred to her as, called her and apparently everyone else, a "bitch." The Joker would respond, "because you don't show him unconditional love. Your love for him has conditions. Do you ever JUST LISTEN to him?? All he wants is for you to LISTEN to him." Well, Kimberly could barely just listen to the Joker; I really have no idea how she could "just listen" to her own son. And I wanted to pipe up and say, "children that call their parents such names, probably 1) learned it from someone, such as a father/boyfriend/brother, and 2) were ignored as children by said people, 3) are very angry. I didn't, mainly because I just wanted to eat dinner and get out.
The Joker's mom would ask, after the f-bomb was dropped a few times - by her son, to her; by her son, in front of her, by her son... "Would you say 'fuck' in front of your mom?"
HA!
My girlfriend said no.
I said, "I've been saying it since I was 4. My mom's heard it from my mouth, many times."
I know Kimberly was shocked.
There would be some small talk, or short conversations about the show we had just seen, and if they performed every week, etc. The conversations were short as invariably the Joker's mom would say something and he'd have to turn to her, and in a hushed shout, tell her .... basically... why... he thought (that she was an idiot).
Mom would share with the News Reporter and myself that she had 2 more boys, twins... one lived - where? She would have to ask the Joker, where Nick lived. The other son, he lived in California and is an eternal college student. That's all he does, is go to school.
She would also share that she has NO IDEA how her kids got like they did. Again, I wanted to say, "REALLY? You are so needy at this ripe old age of??? and you don't know how your children...all 3 of them...got this way."
Now I do realize, that children can be different than parents expect them. Whether they are gay, or an artist, or Magic Johnson or Led Zepplan, they can be very different. Though seriously, when all 3 cut the tie and Mom is overbearing, it's hard NOT to say... "Did you every think about someone besides yourself?" to mom.
Mom would also complain that the State of Wyoming would move the Joker from the local jail for NO REASON...to another part of the State. Then to another town jail; never telling her...after she traveled through a SNOW storm, had to get a tow truck (I didn't hear why, and I didn't ask), go through all this stuff (another time, the story would have been "I had to walk 20 miles in snow as deep as your ass, with only sandals on, wind blowing everything about and it was at least 50 below) only to find out that they had moved her son, and no one bothered to tell her. And WHY?? I offered up a suggestion as to why, and Mom, she wanted none of it. Nope, she asked "why did they have to move him away from her?" and yet "already had the answer." Okay.
The meal would end with the Joker basically ignoring my girlfriend (he had, thankfully ignored me during this time - or maybe I ignored him as my system was a bit in overload, either way) so that he could, in this hushed yell, tell his mom off. Tell her exactly what "true, real love" is - what it isn't. He sounded just like a born-again Christian.... learning to reconcile his life and where he went wrong by doing drugs (what caused him to go down that route) as he told his mom, what LOVE is. And What it Is Not.
My girlfriend wouldn't leave; even though the News Reporter skipped over to another table and I'm not sure he ever returned. Maybe to say "thank you for dinner" because the Joker DID, in fact, buy us all (including Mom and Kimberly) dinner and drinks. My girlfriend said, "I cannot repay rudeness with rudeness."
Um.... I can understand that. Though she and I do disagree on this one. As I said later, even a " 'good date' has to come to an end."
And so it was with a final, desperation, really, on my part...to get her away from him.... that I walked up to her (as she was finally standing at the table, trying to say good-night to him), and I said, "Girlfriend, I NEED you to drive me home." (If she can't do this for herself, then I, as her wing man, can. Remember that... a Good Wing Man does her best to keep her friend from harm)
My biggest fear, and I did express this to her and the News Reporter, as we left, was that he would come find her - where she worked. He showed up at her place of employment the next day....and then again this past week....here is the proof:
Saturday, August 18, 2012
The Year of The Dumb Ass
As my boyfriend says, "the more things change, the more they stay the same."
A week ago, my friends and I, after having dinner at home, went out on the town. Immediately upon landing in one known establishment, I saw both Dumbass D. and Dumbass Colemun. Actually, it is the otherway around, I met Dumb Ass Colemun prior to even coming across Dumb Ass D.
Dumb Ass D. however was apparently back together with his boring girlfriend - and together they make a very boring couple, however that is so NOT my problem. I ignored them. I also ignored Dumb Ass C.
It would be later that evening when Dumb Ass C came up to my girlfriends, while I was talking to some other interesting Smoke Jumper from Idaho, and have the gall to say, "Are the Cougars out on the prowl?" and Rock Star would reply, "Don't call us that. And we do not want you." In which he, embarrassed-ly so, shuffled away.
Last night, again... Dumb Ass and Dumb Ass. Dumb Ass D came up to us, putting his arms around a few friends, saying "hello," or something to that affect - I commented "BORING," though I doubt he caught my drift... and the Librarian said, "Where's Jen? she seemed to leave you in the dust," at which time he then scuffled away as well. Thank goodness. And hours alter, Dumb Ass C would block Rock Stars way (I was behind her, ignoring him and his dumb ass girlfriend) and ask her if "she was still mad at him." Clearly he wants to be important to us; and he'd have to be important to us for Rock Star or any of us to be mad at him.
Darlin', hate to break this to your ego... You are a DUMB ASS. You are either really dumb (to turn down a beer drinking date with me, in which I was going to buy), or boring (all you seem to do .. IS DRINK), or just plain not all that interesting on any real level (if you think your cowboy looks are going to get you everywhere, you may want to start working on that lack of personality... especially when a 40 something woman bothers you).... if I could think of something to say so that Dumb Ass C. never spoke to us again, I would... however I just don't think he is that smart.
The more I change, the more you do not change.
The Librarian met a Dumb Dumb. Actually Anita came across two really Dumb Dumbs.
Rock Star met a Dumber.
Last night, was kind of funny, from my perspective, as Dumb Ass D and his girlfriend (2 months ago they were broke up, and I could have cared less) - as they sat on their bar stools, they had troubles not looking at us and talking about us. Couldn't be 100% sure they WERE talking about us, however I was 100% sure they WERE looking at us. That we were important to them.
And how can I not be so THANKFUL to not be with either of them. I would be most embarrassed to be seen with either, in any self-respecting way. And that is the only way I would be with either of them.
It's definitely been the Year of the Dumb Ass.
And the more we change, the more they stay the same.
A week ago, my friends and I, after having dinner at home, went out on the town. Immediately upon landing in one known establishment, I saw both Dumbass D. and Dumbass Colemun. Actually, it is the otherway around, I met Dumb Ass Colemun prior to even coming across Dumb Ass D.
Dumb Ass D. however was apparently back together with his boring girlfriend - and together they make a very boring couple, however that is so NOT my problem. I ignored them. I also ignored Dumb Ass C.
It would be later that evening when Dumb Ass C came up to my girlfriends, while I was talking to some other interesting Smoke Jumper from Idaho, and have the gall to say, "Are the Cougars out on the prowl?" and Rock Star would reply, "Don't call us that. And we do not want you." In which he, embarrassed-ly so, shuffled away.
Last night, again... Dumb Ass and Dumb Ass. Dumb Ass D came up to us, putting his arms around a few friends, saying "hello," or something to that affect - I commented "BORING," though I doubt he caught my drift... and the Librarian said, "Where's Jen? she seemed to leave you in the dust," at which time he then scuffled away as well. Thank goodness. And hours alter, Dumb Ass C would block Rock Stars way (I was behind her, ignoring him and his dumb ass girlfriend) and ask her if "she was still mad at him." Clearly he wants to be important to us; and he'd have to be important to us for Rock Star or any of us to be mad at him.
Darlin', hate to break this to your ego... You are a DUMB ASS. You are either really dumb (to turn down a beer drinking date with me, in which I was going to buy), or boring (all you seem to do .. IS DRINK), or just plain not all that interesting on any real level (if you think your cowboy looks are going to get you everywhere, you may want to start working on that lack of personality... especially when a 40 something woman bothers you).... if I could think of something to say so that Dumb Ass C. never spoke to us again, I would... however I just don't think he is that smart.
The more I change, the more you do not change.
The Librarian met a Dumb Dumb. Actually Anita came across two really Dumb Dumbs.
Rock Star met a Dumber.
Last night, was kind of funny, from my perspective, as Dumb Ass D and his girlfriend (2 months ago they were broke up, and I could have cared less) - as they sat on their bar stools, they had troubles not looking at us and talking about us. Couldn't be 100% sure they WERE talking about us, however I was 100% sure they WERE looking at us. That we were important to them.
And how can I not be so THANKFUL to not be with either of them. I would be most embarrassed to be seen with either, in any self-respecting way. And that is the only way I would be with either of them.
It's definitely been the Year of the Dumb Ass.
And the more we change, the more they stay the same.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
A Decent Pair of Shoes
I've embarked on this conversation with my girlfriend, twice now, in the past 6 months - of finding out that a guy has a girlfriend and yet, not able to let go. Why is that? Always before, once I found out he was (usually) married, or devoted (to some degree) to another, I let that door shut. I didn't hope to run into him - actually I hoped NOT to run into him.
My girlfriend replied, "Well, maybe part of it is now, is you are really kind of wanting someone, and when you find someone you felt was worthy, it's harder to let go because really, how many 'decent' options are in this town?"
I really think that is it. I have been here for 8 years, and have come across three men in the past year, that I would deem worthy. I asked the 1st guy out, and he said, "No thank you." While he was very nice about it, did it in a way that didn't slam the door (i.e. see him out and there is no embarrassment or rudeness), I knew I wasn't going to put myself out there again. If he wanted to, or wants to, he can ask ME out.
The second and third guy arrived into my life about the same time. The jury is still out on the 2nd guy.
The third.... as my friend said, you have to put it in perspective.
He's not available (he has a girlfriend) and therefore he is not a decent option.
(Unless you don't mind stealing men from other women)
*While I certainly wouldn't want someone to specifically go after a guy I was seeing, if he wandered, I would have to accept that he wasn't meant for me. And perhaps the fact that I didn't get that chance, to even date my 3rd crush is well - God's way of both saying "he's not meant for you and I am protecting you from that hurt."
Since he isn't available, he isn't a decent option.
Which goes back to A Decent Pair of Shoes.
If the shoes don't fit,
if the shoes hurt my feet,
if the shoes cost too much money -
as MUCH as I may want them -
as good as they may look on the shelf, or in the window,
they simply are not a decent option.
Just Like A Shoe
Yesterday afternoon, as I sat outside the place I exercise, and my crush ran by -
well, I felt slightly, odd.
Out of place.
He has a girlfriend.
I have other interests.
And other interests that aren't having to be forced.
Later,
in my kitchen,
I thought of sitting in my car.
Watching my crush.
And I thought,
definitely
time
to
move on.
Takes me back to college days,
a fella asked me to dance.
My crush on him
ignited.
I cruised,
hoping to run into him.
A glance,
a glimpse,
for a semester.
Only to find,
he was devoted to another.
If there isn't anything that I can,
blame,
find negative
about my crush
to get over him...
to move on...
I can
at least
remember
that feeling
of disgust.
At myself.
For not thinking that I have
more to do,
more to offer,
at least to myself,
than...
following.
Dare I say, stalking?
Hell!
How boring is that?
for me to sit, in a HOT car,
with a HOT dog.
Blah.
That should shake me loose.
And stop forcing something,
that hurts.
It's time to move on.
To walk away.
To put on the shoes that do fit,
if it's only my running shoes,
and escape.
Find myself.
My Interests.
And be fun.
And ALIVE.
And,
simply,
just,
be.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Trust....well....in God
I don't want to appear religious, though I do believe I have a strong faith.
I do believe that God is with me, always, even if He doesn't appear as I want him, or even when I want him to....or more so, exactly HOW I want Him to.
A friend of mine recently recommended a book called "Plan B." The book, from my understanding, talks about "what if God doesn't appear as you expect Him to, is He still around?" And the answer (in the book) is yes. And that God doesn't owe you anything - He gave us life. Just because things aren't coming together as you want, you plan and pray about, that doesn't mean that God has left you.
Anyways, again this morning I found myself thinking of the 3 men that I've crushed on since... April? May? And how, in a sense, two of them, kind of fell by the way side. One of them, because I simply only had one-avenue of contact and that has ended. The second, because he has a girlfriend (for one thing). The third, I've maintained contact with - and do rather like him.
Is God's hand not in this? Is He not partially responsible for how, for where I've met these men? and thus, for how life has played out?? And if I put my faith in God, put my Trust in God, then wouldn't it seem that if two men have fallen by the way-side, if only temporarily - though that remains to be seen, that I ought to Trust that?? Trust that God does know me, does know my needs, wants, desires, and what is best for me, and is providing?
I certainly do have a fear in this relationship that is being developed, as the third man, is recently divorced. And yet, it doesn't "feel" like the many other men I have met at this stage in their life. Where I literally wanted to hurl at the thought of them holding my hand, again. As though their very life depended on whether I was within running their hand through my hair or not. His being doesn't feel desperate.
So shall I not, or Shall I, Trust....well... in God? That He knows my needs, my wants, my desires and that He is there. He is here. He is working, in my life.
I do believe that God is with me, always, even if He doesn't appear as I want him, or even when I want him to....or more so, exactly HOW I want Him to.
A friend of mine recently recommended a book called "Plan B." The book, from my understanding, talks about "what if God doesn't appear as you expect Him to, is He still around?" And the answer (in the book) is yes. And that God doesn't owe you anything - He gave us life. Just because things aren't coming together as you want, you plan and pray about, that doesn't mean that God has left you.
Anyways, again this morning I found myself thinking of the 3 men that I've crushed on since... April? May? And how, in a sense, two of them, kind of fell by the way side. One of them, because I simply only had one-avenue of contact and that has ended. The second, because he has a girlfriend (for one thing). The third, I've maintained contact with - and do rather like him.
Is God's hand not in this? Is He not partially responsible for how, for where I've met these men? and thus, for how life has played out?? And if I put my faith in God, put my Trust in God, then wouldn't it seem that if two men have fallen by the way-side, if only temporarily - though that remains to be seen, that I ought to Trust that?? Trust that God does know me, does know my needs, wants, desires, and what is best for me, and is providing?
I certainly do have a fear in this relationship that is being developed, as the third man, is recently divorced. And yet, it doesn't "feel" like the many other men I have met at this stage in their life. Where I literally wanted to hurl at the thought of them holding my hand, again. As though their very life depended on whether I was within running their hand through my hair or not. His being doesn't feel desperate.
So shall I not, or Shall I, Trust....well... in God? That He knows my needs, my wants, my desires and that He is there. He is here. He is working, in my life.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Humiliation
My friend who found herself in the Elevator Closet asked, prior to telling me what happened with Boy Toy, "can you top this?"
Honestly, I don't know.
I just know that I've had plenty of humiliating moments.
And every time I take a chance, I literally feel like I've never been in that place before.
As I blogged the other day about having asked 4 men out this year, 4 more men than I've ever asked out, I have asked men out before.
It isn't like this is something all that new to me.
However, if you want humiliation - read this.
When I was in college, I played in the band.
There was a REALLY cute drummer, and I thought he knew who I was.
At least.
So I sent him....Oh Dear God... a card...on,
you guessed it,
Valentine's Day.
Asking him out.
I was only slightly less shy as I was in high school.
And, I bet you guessed again,
He had NO idea who I was.
None.
He came into class the next day,
asking the Director who I was.
He never responded.
That was enough humiliation.
I did my best to avoid him for the rest of the year.
Only 5 days a week, every week for the next 3 months.
It would be the following year,
that we would accidentally come across one another.
Certainly, we were in band together, but Valentine's Day was so - so - long- ago.
By that time, for being 20, he handled it very well.
We never dated.
We never talked about my ... card.
I think of him, every now and then.
Sometimes with embarrassment.
Sometimes with just thankfulness.
Thankful that he handled it so kindly.
Honestly, I don't know.
I just know that I've had plenty of humiliating moments.
And every time I take a chance, I literally feel like I've never been in that place before.
As I blogged the other day about having asked 4 men out this year, 4 more men than I've ever asked out, I have asked men out before.
It isn't like this is something all that new to me.
However, if you want humiliation - read this.
When I was in college, I played in the band.
There was a REALLY cute drummer, and I thought he knew who I was.
At least.
So I sent him....Oh Dear God... a card...on,
you guessed it,
Valentine's Day.
Asking him out.
I was only slightly less shy as I was in high school.
And, I bet you guessed again,
He had NO idea who I was.
None.
He came into class the next day,
asking the Director who I was.
He never responded.
That was enough humiliation.
I did my best to avoid him for the rest of the year.
Only 5 days a week, every week for the next 3 months.
It would be the following year,
that we would accidentally come across one another.
Certainly, we were in band together, but Valentine's Day was so - so - long- ago.
By that time, for being 20, he handled it very well.
We never dated.
We never talked about my ... card.
I think of him, every now and then.
Sometimes with embarrassment.
Sometimes with just thankfulness.
Thankful that he handled it so kindly.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)