I was just fishing in my closet for a new shirt to wear, something different than the past few months. Alas, I found a blouse that NOT only still has its tags on, but is actually in style. Wow.
So I hope, I wonder, I wish, I hope...that out there is a guy who maybe I've seen, yet haven't met; maybe I have seen and met, yet hasn't cracked the code; maybe I have seen and met, and is getting HIS life in gear....or maybe I haven't seen, haven't met and is waiting for me to turn the corner.
Alex bit the dust; I'd only met him once. Emailed, talked on the phone, texted a lot... met once. It wasn't my best date. He wasn't willing to compromise...come to his cabin or its over. Sadly, though relieved, its over. Relieved that he isn't a stalker. That would be difficult to put in the back of the closet.
Keep living life. Keep working your work. Be happy. Be sad. Be sweaty from a hard workout. Do different things, make new friends. And find the new shirt. Its there.
Looking for my Dance Partner....
Monday, October 11, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
3 Date Rule
I've decided, frankly, that sometimes you can't really tell after 3 dates.
You can usually tell the 1st date if you like one another.
During the 2nd date you can usually tell if you want to go one more time,
however I'm at a quandry. The next date I go on, with Lodge Grass, will be date 4.
I'm certainly NOT ready to have sex with him.
Honestly, I'm not even sure how I really feel about him.
So the 3 Date Rule - well I'm throwing it out the door with Lodge Grass.
IN fact, I've been reading a book called "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man," and in it, the author says to make a guy "wait" 90 days to see what he is all about, before you have sex with him. Make sure you know where the relationship is going and just what HIS intentions are.
Frankly, I think if you like a guy - and it may not be STARS and BONFIRES at first - both of you ought to live by the 90 day rule.
I have been single, living on my own for 6 years. In that amount of time, it has become my girls and I. We are a family. And to bring someone into this space, it isn't the same as when I was in my 20s. It isn't the same as the first few years I was divorced - and I somewhat easily brought "them" in (and that makes me sound like more of a tramp than I was, I wasn't). Now... this is my home and I am responsible for what goes on in it. I am also responsible to Stella and Snuggles and I'm not risking their happiness....for a mans.
In 90 days, you'll know each other well enough...and if by then, there STILL isn't any STARS (atleast), then throw in the towel.
You can usually tell the 1st date if you like one another.
During the 2nd date you can usually tell if you want to go one more time,
however I'm at a quandry. The next date I go on, with Lodge Grass, will be date 4.
I'm certainly NOT ready to have sex with him.
Honestly, I'm not even sure how I really feel about him.
So the 3 Date Rule - well I'm throwing it out the door with Lodge Grass.
IN fact, I've been reading a book called "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man," and in it, the author says to make a guy "wait" 90 days to see what he is all about, before you have sex with him. Make sure you know where the relationship is going and just what HIS intentions are.
Frankly, I think if you like a guy - and it may not be STARS and BONFIRES at first - both of you ought to live by the 90 day rule.
I have been single, living on my own for 6 years. In that amount of time, it has become my girls and I. We are a family. And to bring someone into this space, it isn't the same as when I was in my 20s. It isn't the same as the first few years I was divorced - and I somewhat easily brought "them" in (and that makes me sound like more of a tramp than I was, I wasn't). Now... this is my home and I am responsible for what goes on in it. I am also responsible to Stella and Snuggles and I'm not risking their happiness....for a mans.
In 90 days, you'll know each other well enough...and if by then, there STILL isn't any STARS (atleast), then throw in the towel.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Past Strike Out
I was visiting with an old friend yesterday, telling her exactly how I got on this dating journey.... a male friend suggested that I might be happier if I pursued a male friend ...a male relationship. Less lonely.
So I told my old friend - the 3 men I had dated (up to this summer basically) were: first guy was a socialpath, second guy had had a brain injury at an early age and in many ways was stuck at 23, the third guy - he is an alcoholic that really doesn't want a true relationship, he just wants to be with an old woman until she gets tired of his bullshit and he finds someone else. Basically (and I just realized this yesterday, after 3 years) he is a player.
Yep with those men in your history, WHY WHY would you venture out into the dating scene?
Certainly there are better people, better men out there - its just a matter of turning over enough rocks to find the frogs and hopefully they will turn into a Prince!
So I told my old friend - the 3 men I had dated (up to this summer basically) were: first guy was a socialpath, second guy had had a brain injury at an early age and in many ways was stuck at 23, the third guy - he is an alcoholic that really doesn't want a true relationship, he just wants to be with an old woman until she gets tired of his bullshit and he finds someone else. Basically (and I just realized this yesterday, after 3 years) he is a player.
Yep with those men in your history, WHY WHY would you venture out into the dating scene?
Certainly there are better people, better men out there - its just a matter of turning over enough rocks to find the frogs and hopefully they will turn into a Prince!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
1st Time for Love, 2nd Time for Money
I always thought the saying "You marry the 1st time for love and the 2nd time for money" was because you didn't really get love in the 1st marriage so you might as well go for money the 2nd time around.
I now KNOW that it isn't the reason. You marry the 2nd time for money because you have NOTHING from the 1st marriage. You don't have love and you don't have money. And you can live without love from a "partner" (as long as you have love from family and friends), but you cannot live without money.
This ride of finding a mate, has been interesting, to say the least. I have met a few men that actually want a partner that can just "get up and go" whenever HE is. Get up and travel, vacation, etc.
I've recently started talking to Sailor. He's looking for the same things most of us are looking for in a mate: Mature yet fun, Nice yet naughty, Financially in Good Standing, Fun, Responsible, Fit, etc. He doesn't want to be someone's "sugar daddy." He, as many men in his age bracket, have been "left" to find a lot of women that have let their looks and body go to heck and are financially broke.
WE will be having a discussion on this matter. While I am not one of those women left with children to raise on my own, I didn't divorce with a lot of money. I didn't get a lot from putting in hard work and love into a 14 year marriage to a rancher. I've done all I can to stay fit, and its been a struggle. The last 6 years of my life, have been a struggle. I've done the best I can, as I suspect a lot of women have. And its a proven fact that women make less than men do in the conventional way of work.
So if we marry for money the 2nd time around, there is a reason. It isn't that we don't want love, it isn't that we want to be money-hungry....its just that we've been hungry for a long time, and in the end, love doesn't pay the bills.
We, too, would like love and money in the 2nd marriage. We'd like a responsible, mature, loving, fun, fit mate in our lives, as well.
I now KNOW that it isn't the reason. You marry the 2nd time for money because you have NOTHING from the 1st marriage. You don't have love and you don't have money. And you can live without love from a "partner" (as long as you have love from family and friends), but you cannot live without money.
This ride of finding a mate, has been interesting, to say the least. I have met a few men that actually want a partner that can just "get up and go" whenever HE is. Get up and travel, vacation, etc.
I've recently started talking to Sailor. He's looking for the same things most of us are looking for in a mate: Mature yet fun, Nice yet naughty, Financially in Good Standing, Fun, Responsible, Fit, etc. He doesn't want to be someone's "sugar daddy." He, as many men in his age bracket, have been "left" to find a lot of women that have let their looks and body go to heck and are financially broke.
WE will be having a discussion on this matter. While I am not one of those women left with children to raise on my own, I didn't divorce with a lot of money. I didn't get a lot from putting in hard work and love into a 14 year marriage to a rancher. I've done all I can to stay fit, and its been a struggle. The last 6 years of my life, have been a struggle. I've done the best I can, as I suspect a lot of women have. And its a proven fact that women make less than men do in the conventional way of work.
So if we marry for money the 2nd time around, there is a reason. It isn't that we don't want love, it isn't that we want to be money-hungry....its just that we've been hungry for a long time, and in the end, love doesn't pay the bills.
We, too, would like love and money in the 2nd marriage. We'd like a responsible, mature, loving, fun, fit mate in our lives, as well.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Takes Time
Wow! Its been a month since I last posted. It isn't that things haven't happened (nope, I've had 2 dates with Lodge Grass; a date with Sundance, and a date with Red Lodge), its been maybe MY frame of mind.
Trying not to look back with regret. The saying of the season is "Only Look Back if It Makes You Happy."
Anyways, I just realized that even dating online, takes time. Not just because we are online and a distant away from each other - BUT because, and more so, because we are older, we have commitments.
Yes, I want to find someone; I want to share my life with someone.
At the same time, I can't just wait for someone to show up - I have to live my life.
And by living my life, that means that I make plans to go to Deadwood with friends; I help with something at the theater, I have a garage sale.
And so, it takes time.
Trying not to look back with regret. The saying of the season is "Only Look Back if It Makes You Happy."
Anyways, I just realized that even dating online, takes time. Not just because we are online and a distant away from each other - BUT because, and more so, because we are older, we have commitments.
Yes, I want to find someone; I want to share my life with someone.
At the same time, I can't just wait for someone to show up - I have to live my life.
And by living my life, that means that I make plans to go to Deadwood with friends; I help with something at the theater, I have a garage sale.
And so, it takes time.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Balance
As I walked home from "Eat Pray Love" this afternoon, I really thought I should have named my "blog" something else. Something like Balance. Because balance is what I'm searching for. A more "ha" balanced life. A life that doesn't send me out the door on a Sunday night to do something I really don't love doing. A life that brings me happiness, laughter, sunshine. A life that I share with a man - because while this is a blog on my "dating" life... I don't want to eternally be dating. I want a man in my life, to create a family with, whether that includes children or not.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Surreal Moment
As I sat down at the library today (to use their computers that has a program I don't and then I can email the information to the necessary place), I sat next to a guy that is on the same Dating Site as myself. And he was scoping at "new" women. I'm thinking that I have kind of seen him on the site, but since I'm not looking for anyone IN Sheridan, that helps!
He was kind of frantically clicking and emailing, looking at profiles. And there is something just so - it feels kind of like being punched in the stomach. I guess because of "all" the possibilities... and yet, I KNOW and have had to relearn it...just because there are SO MANY fish, it doesn't mean that we are meant for everyone.
It also gave me this, well sick feeling. Looking around the library, getting a glimps of what this guy is kind of like and yet not fully by any means. I had to wonder what the men I have met are like, while on the computer.
There are 2 men that I've met (actually have met) that I would say are fairly calm at the computer; and yet, who we are in real life is different than even at the computer.
BUT before it was over, he managed to click on MY PROFILE. And I almost couldn't breathe. Well, I couldn't. For a second, I was slightly worried....that he would look AT me and realize....
He was kind of frantically clicking and emailing, looking at profiles. And there is something just so - it feels kind of like being punched in the stomach. I guess because of "all" the possibilities... and yet, I KNOW and have had to relearn it...just because there are SO MANY fish, it doesn't mean that we are meant for everyone.
It also gave me this, well sick feeling. Looking around the library, getting a glimps of what this guy is kind of like and yet not fully by any means. I had to wonder what the men I have met are like, while on the computer.
There are 2 men that I've met (actually have met) that I would say are fairly calm at the computer; and yet, who we are in real life is different than even at the computer.
BUT before it was over, he managed to click on MY PROFILE. And I almost couldn't breathe. Well, I couldn't. For a second, I was slightly worried....that he would look AT me and realize....
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