Moving On Moving Forward

As I sit at my computer, I do recall my post right before Christmas of what came first, the chicken or the egg?

I visited with a friend yesterday, telling her that I am happy with life. It isn't perfect, however I just am happy with me. And I am going to enjoy today. I am going to enjoy my life here, where I live, while I'm here.

Where it has come about, I'm not sure. Although I think, I am finally letting go of the baggage that has lingered from, because of, due to, the end of my marriage and my divorce. Though it is more than that.

When my (male) friend suggested last spring that I would probably be happier if I had someone in my life to share life with - such as a significant other - while I couldn't deny that, I also stated - finding someone is not easy. It wasn't easy 20 years ago, and it is NO EASIER now. At times throughout my dating life, I have even been angered at my friend - its as though his suggestion and my acting on it, has unleashed a part of me that throughout most of the summer, I was UNABLE to control.

It wasn't as though I was a bunny on acid, or on fertilizer pills - my emotions were just so difficult to control. And I didn't have any peace to me.

I don't know, nor am I going to spend any time speculating, as to if I had started "dating" a year ago, if I would feel as I do now.

I'm guessing I wouldn't feel as I do now. Just like the snow in the winter, there is a season for everything.

Anyways, I am cleaning my sewing room and EXCITED about future sewing projects. I have been this excited in a long time. Furthermore, I have realized that even if I don't have a date, or I don't have outside plans, I have a lot of things to do around my house....and for once I actually want to do them. I want to get them done.

So,
then,
perhaps,
my friend's suggestion
came in due time.
And meeting different people,
talking with different men,
online,
on the phone,
in a text,
having them try to Facebook Friend me,
has definitely shed new light.

It has brought both the light and the darkness,
the rain and the rainbows,
understanding and learning,
humor and tears,
it feels great to be able to move on.

To move away, let go of the baggage of my marriage, the baggage of my divorce,
and know that I am working at changing my life.
Small changes - getting rid of a green mug that doesn't fit MY life.
Small changes - looking at something differently.

Holding on to things that I truly do feel - that my ex-husband deserves to be happy.
That my ex-husband deserves a mom that will support him in his choices. Perhaps she'll question if things are right, to make him think.... give him a different view.... but stop, N, for being such a bitch. He's married, now support him. For once.

Yes I do feel that.
And I feel that love is on its way to me.
In the meantime, I am moving forward.
And I am going to enjoy today.
I am going to enjoy MY life.