Bases Loaded?

It's really difficult to remember exactly what I've gained when it feels like the bases were loaded and I struck out.


It's difficult to remember, to even think that the fact he already had a girlfriend by the time I asked him out, has nothing to do with me.  It isn't MY bad timing.  It simply isn't meant to be... now.  Maybe in the future, and maybe not.  


Like Dumbass, by the time he is apparently single, I don't want him.  He was a distraction.  And he distracted.  And that ship sailed a long time ago.  


A friend said, when I said I felt foolish - I knew that 1st base wasn't necessarily ready for the relationship that he so desperately wants (and by that I don't even think he is desperate in the desperate sense.... in the sense that he truly wants a relationship that is healthy, growing, giving and loving); I  haven't figured out how to approach 2nd base, and 3rd base - well - he has the girlfriend.  


My friend replied..."Not foolish.  Adventurous.   Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained!"


Well, what did I gain?  I'm not really certain.


My friend replied to that with "You have gained experience* and more knowledge of what you do want and that taking a leap isn't all bad."


Yes, I have gained experience.  I have asked how many men out, this year?? 4.  4 more than I have ever.  Which in turns gains confidence.  I've thought of ways to ask a man out.  Gains creativity.  I've gained experience in being around my "heart throb" without just bawling or doing REALLY dumb stuff (I've done some, though...Don't think I've been perfect on that note).  I've talked to more men than I have ever normally done.  I've gone where the boys are. I've been working out where there are BOYS and boys that actually talk to girls.  BIG step.  


Okay, so maybe this is looking better.  Maybe I have gained good stuff rather than just hurt feelings.  


I'm guessing that 3rd base was flattered that I asked him out.  


that's right girls, I know what I like and I know what I want.  I will go after what I want.  By GOD, this is my life.  And I am determined to make it a good one.  And I really don't care if I've blogged about this before....


the thing I realized this morning is that when there is pain in your life, IT DOES MEAN that something needs to change.  And we are the only ones that can change our life.  Us, and God.  And well, stupid people doing stupid things.  Though we control our feelings, not someone else.  


So if I've blogged about this before, clearly I need to learn from it.  Or accept that not all things go as we plan, as we hope.  That doesn't mean defeat.  


A few days after I started this particular blog, I did have some self-satisfaction that I HAD, at least, asked 3rd base out.  

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained.  Maybe next time I swing, I'll actually bring a runner in.