So what did come first, the Egg or the Chicken?
I am wondering, if I had launched this "search" a year ago, would I feel as I do today? I ask that, as I'm cutting out 3 bathrobes for Christmas Gifts today, and I do feel a peace. I feel a peace knowing that I can go into my sewing room with music blaring and feel some contentment.
I haven't always had this peace, and sometimes the peace alludes me even now.
A friend of mine said, "you've had better luck than I had with dating on line. I only met one person." Maybe it really is just timing.
What came first... dating or the contentment?
Looking for my Dance Partner....
Friday, December 17, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
FREEZE!!
Freeze!! That's kind of how I feel at this moment in my dating life. More like frozen, and everyone else is too. Perhaps it is time to focus on family and self, and keep things going just at home and not worry too much about ...about what? About a love life? Have I given off vibes that say "leave me, don't love me?" I feel that way. Though at the moment, everything feels like it is 3' under the snow.
In the past month, I've had 2 dates, 3 interests. First date was boring and there was no spark; 2nd date was fun, there was spark until he decided he had feelings for another at a very BAD time. The 3rd interest - I would say on my part, there really was an interest. Surprisingly from my side of the coin. About 10 days into the email communication, he announces he has some family stuff that needs his attention and he needs to humbly withdraw himself from a possible relationship.
But seemingly good, seemingly like a balanced guy - really, how would I know? He seemed like a balanced guy, is he? Who knows.
In the meantime, a shy guy that works here in town has shown interest. I can't respond at the moment; I'm not interested in shy guys. Not even if they are Tom Sellack handsome.
And a guy that is agnostic has emailed. I would have to say what little he has shared, has piqued my interest. Though I do believe. And I won't change that.
I still converse with A-ND. Though he is frozen in ND and no one shares a lot of good news on Minot.
In the past month, I've had 2 dates, 3 interests. First date was boring and there was no spark; 2nd date was fun, there was spark until he decided he had feelings for another at a very BAD time. The 3rd interest - I would say on my part, there really was an interest. Surprisingly from my side of the coin. About 10 days into the email communication, he announces he has some family stuff that needs his attention and he needs to humbly withdraw himself from a possible relationship.
But seemingly good, seemingly like a balanced guy - really, how would I know? He seemed like a balanced guy, is he? Who knows.
In the meantime, a shy guy that works here in town has shown interest. I can't respond at the moment; I'm not interested in shy guys. Not even if they are Tom Sellack handsome.
And a guy that is agnostic has emailed. I would have to say what little he has shared, has piqued my interest. Though I do believe. And I won't change that.
I still converse with A-ND. Though he is frozen in ND and no one shares a lot of good news on Minot.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Kiss A Frog, Marry a Fool, Bad Date, No Spark Date
In the past month, I have had ...for some reason, it feels, 2 dates. Maybe one date was not with someone I met online...anyways, my most recent date was a NICE guy, there simply was NO Spark. I was, and I feel guilty for saying so, BORED out of my mind. Had there been one of those little windows in the restroom, so little that there was no conceivable way I could even get my shoulder out of it - I would have THOUGHT to at least try, to escape having to say, "Thank You....I had fun, too....Let's...."
Let's what? Lets go home and realize that there was no spark. That there won't be a second date.
And so bad dates are when they are rude, obnoxious, generally not nice, No spark dates are just that. If there is no spark, there is no spark.
Let's what? Lets go home and realize that there was no spark. That there won't be a second date.
And so bad dates are when they are rude, obnoxious, generally not nice, No spark dates are just that. If there is no spark, there is no spark.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
You Can't Hurry Love....
No...you just have to wait! Love don't come easy, its a game of give and take.... How many heartaches must I stand?
It is autumn, a season of change. A season that we slow down. And its difficult sometimes.
A season of change. Change, even good change, can cause loneliness. The game of love can cause loneliness. As the leaves change color...going from greens to reds to oranges and yellows...crisps leaves falling down emptying our trees, fewer people walking about, things changing all the time for everyone, the loneliness sets in.
Love don't come easy...but I keep on waiting, anticipating....
I keep waiting, as the season waits to go dormant.
Yet you don't want to hurry love, you don't want to get into a relationship that is clearly not right because that can be worse. A hurried love can be draining and lonelier than being alone.
As difficult as it seems to be, sometimes I feel that my life pops things up at the times that I need them - such as taking my beloved Stella to the vet. Putting her and her needs first, which in turns puts someone else and their "needs" second, because I don't have the time...the energy....to give to them. Since I barely know them, why would they come first?
You can't hurry love, though you can love those you already have in your life. And love them all the time. Even through the changes. Through the changes of the seasons. Through their changes, through....
Through till you find more love.
It is autumn, a season of change. A season that we slow down. And its difficult sometimes.
A season of change. Change, even good change, can cause loneliness. The game of love can cause loneliness. As the leaves change color...going from greens to reds to oranges and yellows...crisps leaves falling down emptying our trees, fewer people walking about, things changing all the time for everyone, the loneliness sets in.
Love don't come easy...but I keep on waiting, anticipating....
I keep waiting, as the season waits to go dormant.
Yet you don't want to hurry love, you don't want to get into a relationship that is clearly not right because that can be worse. A hurried love can be draining and lonelier than being alone.
As difficult as it seems to be, sometimes I feel that my life pops things up at the times that I need them - such as taking my beloved Stella to the vet. Putting her and her needs first, which in turns puts someone else and their "needs" second, because I don't have the time...the energy....to give to them. Since I barely know them, why would they come first?
You can't hurry love, though you can love those you already have in your life. And love them all the time. Even through the changes. Through the changes of the seasons. Through their changes, through....
Through till you find more love.
Monday, October 11, 2010
New Shirt
I was just fishing in my closet for a new shirt to wear, something different than the past few months. Alas, I found a blouse that NOT only still has its tags on, but is actually in style. Wow.
So I hope, I wonder, I wish, I hope...that out there is a guy who maybe I've seen, yet haven't met; maybe I have seen and met, yet hasn't cracked the code; maybe I have seen and met, and is getting HIS life in gear....or maybe I haven't seen, haven't met and is waiting for me to turn the corner.
Alex bit the dust; I'd only met him once. Emailed, talked on the phone, texted a lot... met once. It wasn't my best date. He wasn't willing to compromise...come to his cabin or its over. Sadly, though relieved, its over. Relieved that he isn't a stalker. That would be difficult to put in the back of the closet.
Keep living life. Keep working your work. Be happy. Be sad. Be sweaty from a hard workout. Do different things, make new friends. And find the new shirt. Its there.
So I hope, I wonder, I wish, I hope...that out there is a guy who maybe I've seen, yet haven't met; maybe I have seen and met, yet hasn't cracked the code; maybe I have seen and met, and is getting HIS life in gear....or maybe I haven't seen, haven't met and is waiting for me to turn the corner.
Alex bit the dust; I'd only met him once. Emailed, talked on the phone, texted a lot... met once. It wasn't my best date. He wasn't willing to compromise...come to his cabin or its over. Sadly, though relieved, its over. Relieved that he isn't a stalker. That would be difficult to put in the back of the closet.
Keep living life. Keep working your work. Be happy. Be sad. Be sweaty from a hard workout. Do different things, make new friends. And find the new shirt. Its there.
Monday, October 4, 2010
3 Date Rule
I've decided, frankly, that sometimes you can't really tell after 3 dates.
You can usually tell the 1st date if you like one another.
During the 2nd date you can usually tell if you want to go one more time,
however I'm at a quandry. The next date I go on, with Lodge Grass, will be date 4.
I'm certainly NOT ready to have sex with him.
Honestly, I'm not even sure how I really feel about him.
So the 3 Date Rule - well I'm throwing it out the door with Lodge Grass.
IN fact, I've been reading a book called "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man," and in it, the author says to make a guy "wait" 90 days to see what he is all about, before you have sex with him. Make sure you know where the relationship is going and just what HIS intentions are.
Frankly, I think if you like a guy - and it may not be STARS and BONFIRES at first - both of you ought to live by the 90 day rule.
I have been single, living on my own for 6 years. In that amount of time, it has become my girls and I. We are a family. And to bring someone into this space, it isn't the same as when I was in my 20s. It isn't the same as the first few years I was divorced - and I somewhat easily brought "them" in (and that makes me sound like more of a tramp than I was, I wasn't). Now... this is my home and I am responsible for what goes on in it. I am also responsible to Stella and Snuggles and I'm not risking their happiness....for a mans.
In 90 days, you'll know each other well enough...and if by then, there STILL isn't any STARS (atleast), then throw in the towel.
You can usually tell the 1st date if you like one another.
During the 2nd date you can usually tell if you want to go one more time,
however I'm at a quandry. The next date I go on, with Lodge Grass, will be date 4.
I'm certainly NOT ready to have sex with him.
Honestly, I'm not even sure how I really feel about him.
So the 3 Date Rule - well I'm throwing it out the door with Lodge Grass.
IN fact, I've been reading a book called "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man," and in it, the author says to make a guy "wait" 90 days to see what he is all about, before you have sex with him. Make sure you know where the relationship is going and just what HIS intentions are.
Frankly, I think if you like a guy - and it may not be STARS and BONFIRES at first - both of you ought to live by the 90 day rule.
I have been single, living on my own for 6 years. In that amount of time, it has become my girls and I. We are a family. And to bring someone into this space, it isn't the same as when I was in my 20s. It isn't the same as the first few years I was divorced - and I somewhat easily brought "them" in (and that makes me sound like more of a tramp than I was, I wasn't). Now... this is my home and I am responsible for what goes on in it. I am also responsible to Stella and Snuggles and I'm not risking their happiness....for a mans.
In 90 days, you'll know each other well enough...and if by then, there STILL isn't any STARS (atleast), then throw in the towel.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Past Strike Out
I was visiting with an old friend yesterday, telling her exactly how I got on this dating journey.... a male friend suggested that I might be happier if I pursued a male friend ...a male relationship. Less lonely.
So I told my old friend - the 3 men I had dated (up to this summer basically) were: first guy was a socialpath, second guy had had a brain injury at an early age and in many ways was stuck at 23, the third guy - he is an alcoholic that really doesn't want a true relationship, he just wants to be with an old woman until she gets tired of his bullshit and he finds someone else. Basically (and I just realized this yesterday, after 3 years) he is a player.
Yep with those men in your history, WHY WHY would you venture out into the dating scene?
Certainly there are better people, better men out there - its just a matter of turning over enough rocks to find the frogs and hopefully they will turn into a Prince!
So I told my old friend - the 3 men I had dated (up to this summer basically) were: first guy was a socialpath, second guy had had a brain injury at an early age and in many ways was stuck at 23, the third guy - he is an alcoholic that really doesn't want a true relationship, he just wants to be with an old woman until she gets tired of his bullshit and he finds someone else. Basically (and I just realized this yesterday, after 3 years) he is a player.
Yep with those men in your history, WHY WHY would you venture out into the dating scene?
Certainly there are better people, better men out there - its just a matter of turning over enough rocks to find the frogs and hopefully they will turn into a Prince!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
1st Time for Love, 2nd Time for Money
I always thought the saying "You marry the 1st time for love and the 2nd time for money" was because you didn't really get love in the 1st marriage so you might as well go for money the 2nd time around.
I now KNOW that it isn't the reason. You marry the 2nd time for money because you have NOTHING from the 1st marriage. You don't have love and you don't have money. And you can live without love from a "partner" (as long as you have love from family and friends), but you cannot live without money.
This ride of finding a mate, has been interesting, to say the least. I have met a few men that actually want a partner that can just "get up and go" whenever HE is. Get up and travel, vacation, etc.
I've recently started talking to Sailor. He's looking for the same things most of us are looking for in a mate: Mature yet fun, Nice yet naughty, Financially in Good Standing, Fun, Responsible, Fit, etc. He doesn't want to be someone's "sugar daddy." He, as many men in his age bracket, have been "left" to find a lot of women that have let their looks and body go to heck and are financially broke.
WE will be having a discussion on this matter. While I am not one of those women left with children to raise on my own, I didn't divorce with a lot of money. I didn't get a lot from putting in hard work and love into a 14 year marriage to a rancher. I've done all I can to stay fit, and its been a struggle. The last 6 years of my life, have been a struggle. I've done the best I can, as I suspect a lot of women have. And its a proven fact that women make less than men do in the conventional way of work.
So if we marry for money the 2nd time around, there is a reason. It isn't that we don't want love, it isn't that we want to be money-hungry....its just that we've been hungry for a long time, and in the end, love doesn't pay the bills.
We, too, would like love and money in the 2nd marriage. We'd like a responsible, mature, loving, fun, fit mate in our lives, as well.
I now KNOW that it isn't the reason. You marry the 2nd time for money because you have NOTHING from the 1st marriage. You don't have love and you don't have money. And you can live without love from a "partner" (as long as you have love from family and friends), but you cannot live without money.
This ride of finding a mate, has been interesting, to say the least. I have met a few men that actually want a partner that can just "get up and go" whenever HE is. Get up and travel, vacation, etc.
I've recently started talking to Sailor. He's looking for the same things most of us are looking for in a mate: Mature yet fun, Nice yet naughty, Financially in Good Standing, Fun, Responsible, Fit, etc. He doesn't want to be someone's "sugar daddy." He, as many men in his age bracket, have been "left" to find a lot of women that have let their looks and body go to heck and are financially broke.
WE will be having a discussion on this matter. While I am not one of those women left with children to raise on my own, I didn't divorce with a lot of money. I didn't get a lot from putting in hard work and love into a 14 year marriage to a rancher. I've done all I can to stay fit, and its been a struggle. The last 6 years of my life, have been a struggle. I've done the best I can, as I suspect a lot of women have. And its a proven fact that women make less than men do in the conventional way of work.
So if we marry for money the 2nd time around, there is a reason. It isn't that we don't want love, it isn't that we want to be money-hungry....its just that we've been hungry for a long time, and in the end, love doesn't pay the bills.
We, too, would like love and money in the 2nd marriage. We'd like a responsible, mature, loving, fun, fit mate in our lives, as well.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Takes Time
Wow! Its been a month since I last posted. It isn't that things haven't happened (nope, I've had 2 dates with Lodge Grass; a date with Sundance, and a date with Red Lodge), its been maybe MY frame of mind.
Trying not to look back with regret. The saying of the season is "Only Look Back if It Makes You Happy."
Anyways, I just realized that even dating online, takes time. Not just because we are online and a distant away from each other - BUT because, and more so, because we are older, we have commitments.
Yes, I want to find someone; I want to share my life with someone.
At the same time, I can't just wait for someone to show up - I have to live my life.
And by living my life, that means that I make plans to go to Deadwood with friends; I help with something at the theater, I have a garage sale.
And so, it takes time.
Trying not to look back with regret. The saying of the season is "Only Look Back if It Makes You Happy."
Anyways, I just realized that even dating online, takes time. Not just because we are online and a distant away from each other - BUT because, and more so, because we are older, we have commitments.
Yes, I want to find someone; I want to share my life with someone.
At the same time, I can't just wait for someone to show up - I have to live my life.
And by living my life, that means that I make plans to go to Deadwood with friends; I help with something at the theater, I have a garage sale.
And so, it takes time.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Balance
As I walked home from "Eat Pray Love" this afternoon, I really thought I should have named my "blog" something else. Something like Balance. Because balance is what I'm searching for. A more "ha" balanced life. A life that doesn't send me out the door on a Sunday night to do something I really don't love doing. A life that brings me happiness, laughter, sunshine. A life that I share with a man - because while this is a blog on my "dating" life... I don't want to eternally be dating. I want a man in my life, to create a family with, whether that includes children or not.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Surreal Moment
As I sat down at the library today (to use their computers that has a program I don't and then I can email the information to the necessary place), I sat next to a guy that is on the same Dating Site as myself. And he was scoping at "new" women. I'm thinking that I have kind of seen him on the site, but since I'm not looking for anyone IN Sheridan, that helps!
He was kind of frantically clicking and emailing, looking at profiles. And there is something just so - it feels kind of like being punched in the stomach. I guess because of "all" the possibilities... and yet, I KNOW and have had to relearn it...just because there are SO MANY fish, it doesn't mean that we are meant for everyone.
It also gave me this, well sick feeling. Looking around the library, getting a glimps of what this guy is kind of like and yet not fully by any means. I had to wonder what the men I have met are like, while on the computer.
There are 2 men that I've met (actually have met) that I would say are fairly calm at the computer; and yet, who we are in real life is different than even at the computer.
BUT before it was over, he managed to click on MY PROFILE. And I almost couldn't breathe. Well, I couldn't. For a second, I was slightly worried....that he would look AT me and realize....
He was kind of frantically clicking and emailing, looking at profiles. And there is something just so - it feels kind of like being punched in the stomach. I guess because of "all" the possibilities... and yet, I KNOW and have had to relearn it...just because there are SO MANY fish, it doesn't mean that we are meant for everyone.
It also gave me this, well sick feeling. Looking around the library, getting a glimps of what this guy is kind of like and yet not fully by any means. I had to wonder what the men I have met are like, while on the computer.
There are 2 men that I've met (actually have met) that I would say are fairly calm at the computer; and yet, who we are in real life is different than even at the computer.
BUT before it was over, he managed to click on MY PROFILE. And I almost couldn't breathe. Well, I couldn't. For a second, I was slightly worried....that he would look AT me and realize....
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Men and Women
A little over a week ago, as I got on Facebook for something, a guy that I had gone on a "friendly" date with - who also gave me something so he would have to see me again, and then AT that time, made a pass at me.... he had changed his Facebook Status from Single to "IN a Relationship."
I wasn't so much hurt or mad, mostly appaulled. HUH? WTF? It is true that I had thought of the possibility of he and I; we have a lot in common, though truthfully, when I think of my future - it isn't one of getting by. Or trading this for that (some bartering is fine). I do require more and I want more. I've done that, and I'm done.
Still... how do you NOT know you are about to be in a "relationship"?
So I asked my friend, who has been with me throughout this cruise of dating, if Pinedale had had any of these experiences. Her response was - "LOL...he has had to get RESTRAINING orders!"
Not that I wish Restraining orders on anyone - either side - though it was refreshing to have that perspective!
I wasn't so much hurt or mad, mostly appaulled. HUH? WTF? It is true that I had thought of the possibility of he and I; we have a lot in common, though truthfully, when I think of my future - it isn't one of getting by. Or trading this for that (some bartering is fine). I do require more and I want more. I've done that, and I'm done.
Still... how do you NOT know you are about to be in a "relationship"?
So I asked my friend, who has been with me throughout this cruise of dating, if Pinedale had had any of these experiences. Her response was - "LOL...he has had to get RESTRAINING orders!"
Not that I wish Restraining orders on anyone - either side - though it was refreshing to have that perspective!
Monday, August 16, 2010
A Series
Sometimes I think the connection to "possibilities" are just a series of people until you get to your yes. Which isn't to say that the YES isn't in the possibilities that you go through, it just may mean you haven't truly visited that possibility or the timing was wrong, and its the future that holds you. Its so hard to know, so hard to wait .... and for me, especially with time on my hands, though I am going to do something about THAT today.... to sometimes just be. It goes back to the ebb and flow. Of letting life be and you being in it.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Ebb & Flow of ....
When you love someone, you don't love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh (Quote borrowed from my former sister-in-law's blog)
As much as we women HATE the ebb and flow of love, of life, men hate it worse. They hate it because we change, we become needy and even at times demanding. We want, need, desire more from them than what is normally required. And for no real reason. For reasons that we women cannot explain, because often times there is no logic to it.
As much as we women HATE the ebb and flow of love, of life, men hate it worse. They hate it because we change, we become needy and even at times demanding. We want, need, desire more from them than what is normally required. And for no real reason. For reasons that we women cannot explain, because often times there is no logic to it.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Bad Relationships
Connecting with others, people telling you that YOU ARE the perfect match for them or they really think you are THE ONE, without even meeting you - I start to understand, in a different way, just how bad relationships happen.
We as people were not meant to be alone, that I know.
We are meant to connect.
Just not with EVERYONE.
We as people were not meant to be alone, that I know.
We are meant to connect.
Just not with EVERYONE.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Phone Sex
I did it; I had phone sex. Last night. Hopefully I won't ever hear from the guy again. For more than one reason - though nothing really to do with the sex. Though I had to do all the work; all he told me, said to me was "I'm hard, can you feel me?" "I'm inside you" "I want you." "I'm behind you."
Everything else was me. He grunted through the whole thing. At one point, I accidently hit the end button and THAT WAS IT. Thankfully.
I'm not ashamed of myself, however, never again.
Everything else was me. He grunted through the whole thing. At one point, I accidently hit the end button and THAT WAS IT. Thankfully.
I'm not ashamed of myself, however, never again.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Harmonica Man
Harmonica man told me that he really enjoyed my company and spending time with me; he enjoyed that I seem to like to laugh and had a great laugh. He also told me that he had been interested in, attracted to, wanted to know more about me for some time. I have known this - and I haven't turned him away because I was unattracted to him - mostly because, well, I wasn't ready. I don't know where it will go, I just know that all of my interactions with him have been positive.
Perseverence
This morning as I was getting ready for my Sunday "date," I saw a "poster" I have regarding a Champion. "P" stands for Perseverence...going from One Failure to the Next Failure with a Smile On your face. And I thought how that really applies to dating - and even my dating.
Yes, I cried about 3 days over my Rodeo Date (talked to him daily for 3 weeks, guess that's appropriate); I cried really about 1/2 day over Big Timber. In reality, he and I didn't talk THAT much (I'm not counting the weekend we were together - because now all he said is BS) and I did start to get rather fed up with his bs about 2 weeks before this past Friday. With one text I thought "I am who I am, take it or leave it."
Today's date is not someone that I met online; rather I've met him through a "guild" that I belong to in Sheridan - the Artists Guild. He has shown interest in me for the past 5 years - once right after my divorce when he was raising 2 young boys and I thought "no way." He backed off... Then last fall as I was walking down Main Street, he saw me (as he was at his car) and waited for me. Turns out he is the Harmonica Teacher for one of our local music stores - and I, have wanted to learn to play the Harmonica since I saw the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band in Concert (19 years ago).
So my "Date" with Harmonica Man was going out to Ranchester/Dayton area and driving up on the high line - border between Wyoming and Montana. We drove into the Little Big Horn Canyon, we had a little lunch (thanks to him) by the "beach" (Little Big Horn River). I got to take Stella with us, she LOVED it. We threw sticks for her, she cooled off in the river, she sat on my lap. Harmonica Man showed me his house in Wyola, MT; we sat in his yard and played with Stella. We talked about ALL sorts of things. I knew prior to this "date" that I could just be me (truly me...the person who doesn't know if she's talking about Acronyms or what they are called when you use letters for words) - and it felt really REALLY good to be able to share "my story" that included Bill (my past), my parents, without editing.
I say my "date" because I wouldn't quite call it the date - more like 2 people that like each other, respect one another for their interest in Art - and 1 person hadn't seen something that the other person could share... though I know he is interested in me. I can't say that I'm not; I would just say that there will probably be another date in the future and that I do like him.
And if HE hadn't persevered, today would not have happened and Stella wouldn't have come home TIRED! :)
Yes, I cried about 3 days over my Rodeo Date (talked to him daily for 3 weeks, guess that's appropriate); I cried really about 1/2 day over Big Timber. In reality, he and I didn't talk THAT much (I'm not counting the weekend we were together - because now all he said is BS) and I did start to get rather fed up with his bs about 2 weeks before this past Friday. With one text I thought "I am who I am, take it or leave it."
Today's date is not someone that I met online; rather I've met him through a "guild" that I belong to in Sheridan - the Artists Guild. He has shown interest in me for the past 5 years - once right after my divorce when he was raising 2 young boys and I thought "no way." He backed off... Then last fall as I was walking down Main Street, he saw me (as he was at his car) and waited for me. Turns out he is the Harmonica Teacher for one of our local music stores - and I, have wanted to learn to play the Harmonica since I saw the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band in Concert (19 years ago).
So my "Date" with Harmonica Man was going out to Ranchester/Dayton area and driving up on the high line - border between Wyoming and Montana. We drove into the Little Big Horn Canyon, we had a little lunch (thanks to him) by the "beach" (Little Big Horn River). I got to take Stella with us, she LOVED it. We threw sticks for her, she cooled off in the river, she sat on my lap. Harmonica Man showed me his house in Wyola, MT; we sat in his yard and played with Stella. We talked about ALL sorts of things. I knew prior to this "date" that I could just be me (truly me...the person who doesn't know if she's talking about Acronyms or what they are called when you use letters for words) - and it felt really REALLY good to be able to share "my story" that included Bill (my past), my parents, without editing.
I say my "date" because I wouldn't quite call it the date - more like 2 people that like each other, respect one another for their interest in Art - and 1 person hadn't seen something that the other person could share... though I know he is interested in me. I can't say that I'm not; I would just say that there will probably be another date in the future and that I do like him.
And if HE hadn't persevered, today would not have happened and Stella wouldn't have come home TIRED! :)
Saturday, July 31, 2010
We Should Only Look Back If It Makes Us Smile
That is a Quote shared with me this morning; as I grieve a little for the guy I was kind of falling for, who didn't behave as he said he would. Had he been a gentleman, had MY needs been important - he would have gotten more than he wanted, probably! :)
What sucks about the immaturity of Big Timber is that in a way he totally ruined that weekend with him in Big Timber. I could go on with great memories and not expecting any more from him. However since he's such an immature boy - I don't know. It makes the fun of that weekend less fun, now.
What sucks about the immaturity of Big Timber is that in a way he totally ruined that weekend with him in Big Timber. I could go on with great memories and not expecting any more from him. However since he's such an immature boy - I don't know. It makes the fun of that weekend less fun, now.
Mary a Side Note
So then the other thing I wrestle with is - my Rodeo date and Jay - both came to Sheridan/passing through Sheridan on their way elsewhere and thought "meet Mary," or have a date for the Rodeo (which I too was happy to have).
Jay, I met at the Mint on Tuesday for a beer. He was on his way through for Cheyenne Frontier Days. He gulped his 1st beer rather quickly; didn't seem ALL that interest in truly visiting with me as he looked around the bar - but it did seem that he had a hearing problem. AND then his cell phone went off - and he answered it!
Turns out he is a realtor in Big Fork, Big Sky?? Big Something Montana. And a fella from Nebraska, whom he sold a property to in Montana, was on his way and was in Sheridan at the same time. So in trying to get this friend/new property owner down to the Mint (I was wondering "Am I invited to dinner, too? This is awkward") and having a difficult time doing it, I got on the phone. Trying to be helpful, I butted in.
Long story short, the guy showed up - Jay was outside with him for a good 10 minutes before I decided I'd had enough of this rodeo. I gave him 4 more minutes and amazingly he did come in - he said, "Sorry Mary, I didn't know...*" and Can I walk you to your truck?
Now, I won't lie - I had tears in my eyes. NOT so much because I was all that into Jay (I wasn't); mostly because I can't believe the actions of other people. How insensitive can you be??? Then again, Jay is 50 and never been married. IMAGINE that?!
I told him no, I could walk myself to my truck.
Then I went to The Pony to get a to-go order.
While there, Jay and his friend showed up.
Jay sent me a text (prior to me realizing he was a few stools down at the bar) saying "I'm sorry Mary, I guess I didn't tell you I had dinner plans."*
* Well - NO. 1st you tell me that you didn't know, now you tell me that you "guess" you didn't tell me about your dinner plans. They don't add up. Furthermore, I am not a side note. I am not an appetizer. I'm a person with real feelings trying to meet a REAL man who wants to have a good time. And how do you expect to have a good time with someone if you aren't going to be present for it?
So this leads me to David. He's coming over sometime this upcoming week to do something fun with me. He can, so he is. But this was only after I told him that I really didn't see how adding me to his "paragliding" adventure was a benefit - a spoiling - to me. To me a first date IS where we both have something to lose. Its where if it doesn't work out, if we don't like each other, we both have to go back to our cars and lick our wounds. It isn't where he gets to go have fun with his buddies and I have to find something to do. And surprisingly, when I told him this - he changed plans. In a good way. He told me (on the phone) that by reading that, he realized that this was a girl who knew what she wanted. That stood her ground. And he liked it. He also realized that expecting me to hang with his Paraglide buddies was expecting a bit much (yep). So we are going to do something this week. Don't know what or where.
Jay, I met at the Mint on Tuesday for a beer. He was on his way through for Cheyenne Frontier Days. He gulped his 1st beer rather quickly; didn't seem ALL that interest in truly visiting with me as he looked around the bar - but it did seem that he had a hearing problem. AND then his cell phone went off - and he answered it!
Turns out he is a realtor in Big Fork, Big Sky?? Big Something Montana. And a fella from Nebraska, whom he sold a property to in Montana, was on his way and was in Sheridan at the same time. So in trying to get this friend/new property owner down to the Mint (I was wondering "Am I invited to dinner, too? This is awkward") and having a difficult time doing it, I got on the phone. Trying to be helpful, I butted in.
Long story short, the guy showed up - Jay was outside with him for a good 10 minutes before I decided I'd had enough of this rodeo. I gave him 4 more minutes and amazingly he did come in - he said, "Sorry Mary, I didn't know...*" and Can I walk you to your truck?
Now, I won't lie - I had tears in my eyes. NOT so much because I was all that into Jay (I wasn't); mostly because I can't believe the actions of other people. How insensitive can you be??? Then again, Jay is 50 and never been married. IMAGINE that?!
I told him no, I could walk myself to my truck.
Then I went to The Pony to get a to-go order.
While there, Jay and his friend showed up.
Jay sent me a text (prior to me realizing he was a few stools down at the bar) saying "I'm sorry Mary, I guess I didn't tell you I had dinner plans."*
* Well - NO. 1st you tell me that you didn't know, now you tell me that you "guess" you didn't tell me about your dinner plans. They don't add up. Furthermore, I am not a side note. I am not an appetizer. I'm a person with real feelings trying to meet a REAL man who wants to have a good time. And how do you expect to have a good time with someone if you aren't going to be present for it?
So this leads me to David. He's coming over sometime this upcoming week to do something fun with me. He can, so he is. But this was only after I told him that I really didn't see how adding me to his "paragliding" adventure was a benefit - a spoiling - to me. To me a first date IS where we both have something to lose. Its where if it doesn't work out, if we don't like each other, we both have to go back to our cars and lick our wounds. It isn't where he gets to go have fun with his buddies and I have to find something to do. And surprisingly, when I told him this - he changed plans. In a good way. He told me (on the phone) that by reading that, he realized that this was a girl who knew what she wanted. That stood her ground. And he liked it. He also realized that expecting me to hang with his Paraglide buddies was expecting a bit much (yep). So we are going to do something this week. Don't know what or where.
The Ugly Truth
Yes, I watched the movie last night after being prompted by a friend to watch it more than once. Great movie! I LOVED it, especially love Gerald Butler.
Blogging, writing, journaling are great tools. They really are. We just take so little time to write.
So Big Timber crashed and burned; turns out he is a 43 year old man with the mentality of a 13 year old. He is a cruel boy that points out things that are so unimportant at such an early stage in a relationship. And I told him so; told him I needed a man in my life, not a boy. I need a man who is giving, who realizes that a relationship is about BOTH sides of the equation, not just HIS needs in bed.
The other thing to Big Timber is the guy is 43. He has 5 children (now that I think about it, what he told me, they might be from 2 different wives). His youngest AT BEST is only 18. And he has no contact with them, left them on the mainland while he goes to Hawaii. In his profile, he also talks about his dog, that he apparently "loves," yet left her too.
So far, though, the hardest one to really swallow is my Rodeo Date. I had such high hopes for him, and while I'm not waiting (I really am not), it is difficult to not want him to come around. Grow up. I don't even know if its grow up - I think it is more like Dry Up. He is a MEAN drunk.
And a friend I went to college with, one time shared some insight from her mom - find out what a man is like when they've been drinking. A mean drunk is a WARNING sign. There is a reason he's been divorced twice. Though I have to say that if he was "dry," he'd probably be a great guy. But I can't wait for that, especially since he didn't even apologize for letting me walk home from the street dance, alone - or even call to see if I made it home safely.
My girlfriend, WL, who has been on this journey with me from the beginning told me last night that if I learned something from Big Timber and Rodeo then it was NOT all for nothing. What I learned is that in about 3 weeks, they both showed something that wasn't apparent in the opening. And it wasn't pretty, nor was it something that I wanted to deal with for any length of time.
Blogging, writing, journaling are great tools. They really are. We just take so little time to write.
So Big Timber crashed and burned; turns out he is a 43 year old man with the mentality of a 13 year old. He is a cruel boy that points out things that are so unimportant at such an early stage in a relationship. And I told him so; told him I needed a man in my life, not a boy. I need a man who is giving, who realizes that a relationship is about BOTH sides of the equation, not just HIS needs in bed.
The other thing to Big Timber is the guy is 43. He has 5 children (now that I think about it, what he told me, they might be from 2 different wives). His youngest AT BEST is only 18. And he has no contact with them, left them on the mainland while he goes to Hawaii. In his profile, he also talks about his dog, that he apparently "loves," yet left her too.
So far, though, the hardest one to really swallow is my Rodeo Date. I had such high hopes for him, and while I'm not waiting (I really am not), it is difficult to not want him to come around. Grow up. I don't even know if its grow up - I think it is more like Dry Up. He is a MEAN drunk.
And a friend I went to college with, one time shared some insight from her mom - find out what a man is like when they've been drinking. A mean drunk is a WARNING sign. There is a reason he's been divorced twice. Though I have to say that if he was "dry," he'd probably be a great guy. But I can't wait for that, especially since he didn't even apologize for letting me walk home from the street dance, alone - or even call to see if I made it home safely.
My girlfriend, WL, who has been on this journey with me from the beginning told me last night that if I learned something from Big Timber and Rodeo then it was NOT all for nothing. What I learned is that in about 3 weeks, they both showed something that wasn't apparent in the opening. And it wasn't pretty, nor was it something that I wanted to deal with for any length of time.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
High Hopes?
I really don't want to write, and yet, it will be very theraputic.
My Rodeo Date turned into a real jerk. Showed me so little respect that I find it hard to write. I know that his actions are about him, and not me - even if he would like to blame me. One of my friends thought that he might call today and apologize, but so far he hasn't. I don't know that he will. Pretty rude to take someone to the Rodeo and the street dance and then not want to dance with them...not want to talk to them... want them to "mingle" and then be upset when I say "I'm leaving." Not upset enough to stop me, but upset enough to say shit to me.
It was a constant left then right. I couldn't do anything correctly. He wasn't having any fun with me, but that was because he ran into an old (lady) friend that he clearly liked and remembered the "good ole days" when she and another woman would be asking him to dance....and now they weren't. Guess he hasn't grown up??
Yes, as I text with friends and even prepare an email to him that I MIGHT send him, basically he didn't want to be at the street dance with me - and I don't feel that it had anything to do with me. Or at least not enough of me to be so rude to me.
And yet I know LOTS happens when people are feeling anxiety, haven't had enough to sleep and have drank too much. It was the worst time in my prior marriage - when we had been going and going, not enough sleep and way too much alcohol!
My Rodeo Date turned into a real jerk. Showed me so little respect that I find it hard to write. I know that his actions are about him, and not me - even if he would like to blame me. One of my friends thought that he might call today and apologize, but so far he hasn't. I don't know that he will. Pretty rude to take someone to the Rodeo and the street dance and then not want to dance with them...not want to talk to them... want them to "mingle" and then be upset when I say "I'm leaving." Not upset enough to stop me, but upset enough to say shit to me.
It was a constant left then right. I couldn't do anything correctly. He wasn't having any fun with me, but that was because he ran into an old (lady) friend that he clearly liked and remembered the "good ole days" when she and another woman would be asking him to dance....and now they weren't. Guess he hasn't grown up??
Yes, as I text with friends and even prepare an email to him that I MIGHT send him, basically he didn't want to be at the street dance with me - and I don't feel that it had anything to do with me. Or at least not enough of me to be so rude to me.
And yet I know LOTS happens when people are feeling anxiety, haven't had enough to sleep and have drank too much. It was the worst time in my prior marriage - when we had been going and going, not enough sleep and way too much alcohol!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Friends Are the Glue....
Just so you know, friends are absolutely necessary at any age that you are dating. Really, they are necessary in a successful life. However, I certainly would not have made it into 3 months of dating now, with out them.
One friend has been through it all with me; she knew me when I was married, has been SUPPORTIVE through and after my divorce and has given me great guidance through this dating online. Two of her comments that I think of, often have been 1) don't be glued to the computer, don't spend more than an hour a day on it - looking for men and 2) JUST BE.
Just be came into play last night when my Rodeo Date found out what I did for a living. I think he is okay with it, and I have to tell myself... be STRONG, be CONFIDENT and it will be okay.
Another friend has listened to every date story, thus far. She even called prior to the Digger Dave date to give me moral support and then what turned out to be after my date, in hopes to be my "Wing Man Call" to get me the hell outta there, if needed (not). She's given me advice on things that no way would I ever discuss with my mom or sister.
All friends that I've shared my tale of woes with - just that I've started online dating, seeking a relationship in my life, has been met with cheers and support. And thats great. At 43, I need my friends. They are the Glue, the flowers, the base, the BEST in life.
Don't leave home without 'em.
One friend has been through it all with me; she knew me when I was married, has been SUPPORTIVE through and after my divorce and has given me great guidance through this dating online. Two of her comments that I think of, often have been 1) don't be glued to the computer, don't spend more than an hour a day on it - looking for men and 2) JUST BE.
Just be came into play last night when my Rodeo Date found out what I did for a living. I think he is okay with it, and I have to tell myself... be STRONG, be CONFIDENT and it will be okay.
Another friend has listened to every date story, thus far. She even called prior to the Digger Dave date to give me moral support and then what turned out to be after my date, in hopes to be my "Wing Man Call" to get me the hell outta there, if needed (not). She's given me advice on things that no way would I ever discuss with my mom or sister.
All friends that I've shared my tale of woes with - just that I've started online dating, seeking a relationship in my life, has been met with cheers and support. And thats great. At 43, I need my friends. They are the Glue, the flowers, the base, the BEST in life.
Don't leave home without 'em.
Monday, July 12, 2010
TomCat Down
TomCat bit the dust on Friday night, I'm afraid. I had thought of maybe trying for one more date, though after discussing it with a friend - what happened - I know better.
What happened? nothing horrible. He is just 10 years younger than me, and proved why I don't usually date younger men. I don't date them because they lack a maturity that I can't give them (its also not my job to do so, I know). He is very polite, witty, has insight beyond his years -
But he got new boots/shoes on Friday. We had talked about it before our date. Then during our date, first he put his feet up on the chairs in front of us, as though to show them off. When that didn't do much, he stretched out one and retied it. Then the other. Then when I commented - well I don't remember. Then he flicked a rock from the tread in one...and commented on it. Please, take care of the issue and move on.
I had told him I would re-teach him the 2 step, but when he commented that he would need his other shoes to dance in, I thought "I can't re-teach him." I don't want to.
I realize that no man can have all the qualities I WANT, and I accept that. But a quiet maturity, someone who is okay with himself, is a must.
What happened? nothing horrible. He is just 10 years younger than me, and proved why I don't usually date younger men. I don't date them because they lack a maturity that I can't give them (its also not my job to do so, I know). He is very polite, witty, has insight beyond his years -
But he got new boots/shoes on Friday. We had talked about it before our date. Then during our date, first he put his feet up on the chairs in front of us, as though to show them off. When that didn't do much, he stretched out one and retied it. Then the other. Then when I commented - well I don't remember. Then he flicked a rock from the tread in one...and commented on it. Please, take care of the issue and move on.
I had told him I would re-teach him the 2 step, but when he commented that he would need his other shoes to dance in, I thought "I can't re-teach him." I don't want to.
I realize that no man can have all the qualities I WANT, and I accept that. But a quiet maturity, someone who is okay with himself, is a must.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Moving On...Growth..Changes
Tonight I write about a guy who I flirted with over a year ago. Our relationship stemmed from work; we worked for 2 different companies, though we had a common link and often worked together. All our relationship really consisted of, was sexting. We did do a few things together, and we've eaten out a couple times and I've had dinner at his house - once.
Truthfully, THANK GOODNESS it never was more. Truly, THANK GOODNESS we never even kissed.
Honestly, I was never attracted to him physically, and never could be. Though interesting how the mind can work - how I was actually attracted to his mind, his thoughts...
And we shared some common interests. Though not many.
Now, my life is taking a turn - for the better I think.
I am actively seeking not only a man in my life, to share it with, I am seeking a new career path. Making choices and taking responsibility for my life.
And as I do these - along with some realizations of this former attraction - my interest in this man is no longer there. Not that I always ever cared about the "gossip" in town, because I usually didn't. Now I don't. Which isn't to say that I don't partake, I just partake with MY friends. People I do really care about.
Anyways, the growth in all this to me, is to see, TRULY SEE, what its like to grow away from someone.
It really isn't about him, its about me.
Though things about him, definitely have contributed to the fact.
Still its about me, not him, and I'm good with that.
Truthfully, THANK GOODNESS it never was more. Truly, THANK GOODNESS we never even kissed.
Honestly, I was never attracted to him physically, and never could be. Though interesting how the mind can work - how I was actually attracted to his mind, his thoughts...
And we shared some common interests. Though not many.
Now, my life is taking a turn - for the better I think.
I am actively seeking not only a man in my life, to share it with, I am seeking a new career path. Making choices and taking responsibility for my life.
And as I do these - along with some realizations of this former attraction - my interest in this man is no longer there. Not that I always ever cared about the "gossip" in town, because I usually didn't. Now I don't. Which isn't to say that I don't partake, I just partake with MY friends. People I do really care about.
Anyways, the growth in all this to me, is to see, TRULY SEE, what its like to grow away from someone.
It really isn't about him, its about me.
Though things about him, definitely have contributed to the fact.
Still its about me, not him, and I'm good with that.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Worthy of Pursuing?
After 3 dates with 3 different men; 2 of them great dates, the other...blah.. I am "getting" that when you are in the presense of at least a good candidate (not necessarily THEE one), communicating and enjoying ones-self as well as the other person, just happens. It isn't forced, it isn't all that difficult. It just is.
With both of the 2 dates that I've had that have been lots of fun, I was just me (which isn't to say that I wasn't with my "blah" date) - and it clicked. We connected. We talked, we laughed, we had fun. Whether we see each other again, don't know. Definitely closer to a yes, than a no.
Whereas with the blah date, merely talking was difficult. And all my "moves" - even though they WERE NOT meant to be anything other than me adjusting in my chair - were noted and I felt more uncomfortable. There wasn't anything that I WANTED to talk about with him because I just knew I wasn't interested in him.
SO its easier to just be who you are, when you are in the presense of a "righter" person for you rather than someone who isn't the right person. And all relationships take work, especially the GREAT ones. And why not put your hard work into the right person, rather than someone you wish you could have, but is the wrong person?
With both of the 2 dates that I've had that have been lots of fun, I was just me (which isn't to say that I wasn't with my "blah" date) - and it clicked. We connected. We talked, we laughed, we had fun. Whether we see each other again, don't know. Definitely closer to a yes, than a no.
Whereas with the blah date, merely talking was difficult. And all my "moves" - even though they WERE NOT meant to be anything other than me adjusting in my chair - were noted and I felt more uncomfortable. There wasn't anything that I WANTED to talk about with him because I just knew I wasn't interested in him.
SO its easier to just be who you are, when you are in the presense of a "righter" person for you rather than someone who isn't the right person. And all relationships take work, especially the GREAT ones. And why not put your hard work into the right person, rather than someone you wish you could have, but is the wrong person?
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Digger Dave
Dave has sort of dug himself a hole without really meaning to. Though what does it say about me? He is probably a perfectly good person, but I really don't want him already. I'm trying NOT to write him off, even though he wanted to know the day of April I was born - since I'm an Aries. He wants to know what the "numbers and letters" in my "pen name" mean - they simply refer to the 2 people I love THE MOST...and then why my range of men was 417 miles. Well, if you look at it all, the answers are RIGHT there. And yes, I would look at them. Yet, in reality.... none of it matters. Or maybe it does, either way....think about it, Dave. He also noted to me, that I hadn't signed my most recent email with "Toodles." Nope, I didn't. I was merely answering the question, moving on.
I am getting a little more level headed.
I am getting a little more level headed.
Monday, June 28, 2010
The LOW Down
The low down...kind of like oral sex, what they don't tell you....
Not only from my date this weekend, but also from other men whom I've had recent conversations from, the low down on online dating is that it is difficult. No way around it. And one might think to have ALL these people in front of you, WOW...like picking the perfect peach.
Nope. You wink, you send emails - they don't respond. They don't even act like you've been there. You don't know. And then you go to check them out again, and they aren't there. Their profile is gone. For whatever reason, they no longer are online. Maybe they got married, most likely they didn't. They just stopped paying for the service.
Or you meet them, and they are NOTHING like they said they were. Which, I have to say, I have experienced that.... more times than not.
Tonight I was YM with a guy I met on a site; he lives rather close to me. I think he is okay, I'm not at the RED Flag point, even though he asked me if I would FACEBOOK Friend him so that he could have more friends on Farmville.
No.... for many reasons. One being, that we haven't met. Two being, really? Thats NOT why I have friends on Facebook. He wasn't mad that I said no, nor did he want me to be mad. I wasn't. Just sort of re-thinking this maybe maturity level?
Its not that I have a problem with people playing Farmville or any other game online. I don't. But you don't become friends on Facebook just for more points.
I did talk to Joe, from online today. He bit the dust; I don't know that he knows it. It isn't that I don't understand where he is coming from (at 50) of how if you get into a relationship with someone who doesn't have children, you don't have that to contend with. I get that. But he was surprised at how many of us women would accept children, whereas men might not. Again, though, he's never been married and there is a reason. I even told him that; I told him that had he really wanted to get married by now, he would have. He was either too busy building his business or something... personally I think he was too busy on himself (thinking he was Joe Great) to make the necessary gives and takes for a relationship.
I am having dinner with ... Dave? on Thursday. I am actually only having dinner with him: 1) because my friend (who met her husband online) told me that I should consider people I am initially NOT at all interested in - which I don't disagree with, and 2) he's persistent, and 3) my other friend advised me to let a man buy me dinner. I can't say that I am uninterested in him, though he certainly isn't in my top 5.
The main thing in all this, to maintain my level head (which my Powell friend would tell you, I don't have one)
And the old men in my life, in which there are two - two men that I have not been physical/sexual with and NEVER plan on being either with - though I know they like me in some degree.... they probably both sense something is up with me (since I was gone for the weekend - and had a great time), but its none of their business. I have led neither of them on, I have been upfront with them, and finally, I am not going to settle because of THEIR feelings.
Not only from my date this weekend, but also from other men whom I've had recent conversations from, the low down on online dating is that it is difficult. No way around it. And one might think to have ALL these people in front of you, WOW...like picking the perfect peach.
Nope. You wink, you send emails - they don't respond. They don't even act like you've been there. You don't know. And then you go to check them out again, and they aren't there. Their profile is gone. For whatever reason, they no longer are online. Maybe they got married, most likely they didn't. They just stopped paying for the service.
Or you meet them, and they are NOTHING like they said they were. Which, I have to say, I have experienced that.... more times than not.
Tonight I was YM with a guy I met on a site; he lives rather close to me. I think he is okay, I'm not at the RED Flag point, even though he asked me if I would FACEBOOK Friend him so that he could have more friends on Farmville.
No.... for many reasons. One being, that we haven't met. Two being, really? Thats NOT why I have friends on Facebook. He wasn't mad that I said no, nor did he want me to be mad. I wasn't. Just sort of re-thinking this maybe maturity level?
Its not that I have a problem with people playing Farmville or any other game online. I don't. But you don't become friends on Facebook just for more points.
I did talk to Joe, from online today. He bit the dust; I don't know that he knows it. It isn't that I don't understand where he is coming from (at 50) of how if you get into a relationship with someone who doesn't have children, you don't have that to contend with. I get that. But he was surprised at how many of us women would accept children, whereas men might not. Again, though, he's never been married and there is a reason. I even told him that; I told him that had he really wanted to get married by now, he would have. He was either too busy building his business or something... personally I think he was too busy on himself (thinking he was Joe Great) to make the necessary gives and takes for a relationship.
I am having dinner with ... Dave? on Thursday. I am actually only having dinner with him: 1) because my friend (who met her husband online) told me that I should consider people I am initially NOT at all interested in - which I don't disagree with, and 2) he's persistent, and 3) my other friend advised me to let a man buy me dinner. I can't say that I am uninterested in him, though he certainly isn't in my top 5.
The main thing in all this, to maintain my level head (which my Powell friend would tell you, I don't have one)
And the old men in my life, in which there are two - two men that I have not been physical/sexual with and NEVER plan on being either with - though I know they like me in some degree.... they probably both sense something is up with me (since I was gone for the weekend - and had a great time), but its none of their business. I have led neither of them on, I have been upfront with them, and finally, I am not going to settle because of THEIR feelings.
You just never can tell.....
Actually, no... I have to take a moment to say this....because I have to remind myself daily. You just never can tell. You just never know what the future holds, what will change, what will be.
While I don't like to compare a lot of things to my marriage with Bill, I can compare things to my dating Bill. I met him, he took my name and number and then I went on with life. I didn't know if I would ever see him again and I wasn't going to let it matter. I wasn't going to care. And about 2 weeks later, he called me. I couldn't remember even what he looked like.
And so I have to continue to treat this dating, online, the very same way. Actually I have to continue to treat all dating the same way. Enjoy but don't marry already.
While I don't like to compare a lot of things to my marriage with Bill, I can compare things to my dating Bill. I met him, he took my name and number and then I went on with life. I didn't know if I would ever see him again and I wasn't going to let it matter. I wasn't going to care. And about 2 weeks later, he called me. I couldn't remember even what he looked like.
And so I have to continue to treat this dating, online, the very same way. Actually I have to continue to treat all dating the same way. Enjoy but don't marry already.
Male Irritation
I had a great date over the weekend, time will tell.
I need to write more, but I don't have time at the moment.
I need to write more, but I don't have time at the moment.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Across Seas
Oh, I did forget.... I met 2 guys on the "buying site" (the site that you have to pay for).
One, Mark, works in the CBM industry and apparently has had to go to Australia, IMMEDIATELY. He loves me, I've made his whole damn world. Ya... get lost in Australia.
The other... Danny. I like him; could really like him, though I get the sense that he is lonely. And that, yes, scares me, a bit. Though I do really like him.
And then there is some guy just checking things out, that I haven't given much time to. He's not in the states AT ALL. Who knows....
Across the seas, its all an adventure.
One, Mark, works in the CBM industry and apparently has had to go to Australia, IMMEDIATELY. He loves me, I've made his whole damn world. Ya... get lost in Australia.
The other... Danny. I like him; could really like him, though I get the sense that he is lonely. And that, yes, scares me, a bit. Though I do really like him.
And then there is some guy just checking things out, that I haven't given much time to. He's not in the states AT ALL. Who knows....
Across the seas, its all an adventure.
ADVENTURE!!
Remember, self, this is an adventure! You have no idea where the road is going to take you, you might not even like the road once you get on there and have to turn back! or at least part of the way home!
Oh what has happened... I don't want to tell you. I'm ashamed - yes. I'm HOW old and I act like I'm 12. Why would any MAN want me, when I act so... silly. Stupid. Yet not.
Okay, so why go after some guy that only wants a woman within 100 miles from him? Some guy who really hasn't asked you much about yourself. Some guy who clearly needs a woman to be creative, because his creativeness doesn't venture past Riverton and gambling (at this point, I'd venture to say it might...but who really knows).
I've had great emails from BCody and K-ND. Nice, real, get to know you emails. Both men, I might add, are looking past their noses. Now, I have someone in Rapid City, who has a darling picture with a girl - it looks like he's having a real conversation with an 8 year old. It is so sweet it melts my heart. He doesn't think I look my age (most people don't). So, there's a chance opening. I have some Short "Still Here" guy who I haven't seen and at the moment, am uninterested. Perhaps because he is 5' 7". Ya, I'm looking for taller. And then PacificWaterman. Who at the moment, we are looking at a time to meet in Big Timber at the KOA - play some putt putt...maybe throw the nerf football! And if things SPARK, I won't have to go dutch with him. NO pressure there. :)
In the meantime, I told Crotchedy JA that I was looking for a man - not really a specific man - though specific in that someone of interest....someone to kiss. I guess you could say I broke up with CJA without realizing it; I say this because he is now on one of my "free 'dating' sites". I'm not over joyed about it, though he is out of my age range.
Yes, remember this is an adventure. Its to be fun. Not OMG. Except that I did email Pinedale and basically said, "I'll be in your town, how do I get a hold of you? and its your choice as to whether or not you meet me." ODG! I want to say "what was I thinking?" Who the hell knows. Well, that's not true. I know what I'm thinking. And yet, do I? Oh, its just an adventure. Let it go where it may.
Its an adventure. And definitely time to go to bed.
Oh what has happened... I don't want to tell you. I'm ashamed - yes. I'm HOW old and I act like I'm 12. Why would any MAN want me, when I act so... silly. Stupid. Yet not.
Okay, so why go after some guy that only wants a woman within 100 miles from him? Some guy who really hasn't asked you much about yourself. Some guy who clearly needs a woman to be creative, because his creativeness doesn't venture past Riverton and gambling (at this point, I'd venture to say it might...but who really knows).
I've had great emails from BCody and K-ND. Nice, real, get to know you emails. Both men, I might add, are looking past their noses. Now, I have someone in Rapid City, who has a darling picture with a girl - it looks like he's having a real conversation with an 8 year old. It is so sweet it melts my heart. He doesn't think I look my age (most people don't). So, there's a chance opening. I have some Short "Still Here" guy who I haven't seen and at the moment, am uninterested. Perhaps because he is 5' 7". Ya, I'm looking for taller. And then PacificWaterman. Who at the moment, we are looking at a time to meet in Big Timber at the KOA - play some putt putt...maybe throw the nerf football! And if things SPARK, I won't have to go dutch with him. NO pressure there. :)
In the meantime, I told Crotchedy JA that I was looking for a man - not really a specific man - though specific in that someone of interest....someone to kiss. I guess you could say I broke up with CJA without realizing it; I say this because he is now on one of my "free 'dating' sites". I'm not over joyed about it, though he is out of my age range.
Yes, remember this is an adventure. Its to be fun. Not OMG. Except that I did email Pinedale and basically said, "I'll be in your town, how do I get a hold of you? and its your choice as to whether or not you meet me." ODG! I want to say "what was I thinking?" Who the hell knows. Well, that's not true. I know what I'm thinking. And yet, do I? Oh, its just an adventure. Let it go where it may.
Its an adventure. And definitely time to go to bed.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Wilson Bit The Dust...HARD
So in the past 4 days, I had IM (buzz) a guy named Wilson. Last night, though, I knew that I really wanted nothing more to do with him. Mainly because we hadn't gotten past "are u for real?" His question to me, over and over again. His other questions, "can I give you my heart, babe?" just made me want to THROW up. What the hell is he talking about? Get REAL.
I deleted him from my contacts last night; alas I got 3 other "dings" from him. Finally this afternoon, I responded. I just said, "I don't think we are meant to be." Of course, I got "why do you think that?"
I know I should have ended last night; not respond at all. I suppose after teling Mexican boy to beat it, that little bit of self doubt crept in. So we discussed it. And now, I have no doubt. END THIS
So, I asked him if he had any siblings, since his parents had died? >> No.
Did he have any relatives that he was close to? >> No
Were his parents only children? >> Apparently yes.
I stopped that line of questioning and went to, do you have any friends that you are close to? >> No.
A secretary, a co-worker that you share a joke with, or coffee with? >> Yes, but they aren't friends. Friends are bad.
HUH? Friends are bad? How does one live without friends?
I told him I would have died by now without friends, and that in the end...after the physical, etc. goes, all we have is friendship - I hope.
So then he asked me if I was ready to make "our dream real."
I asked what "our 'dream'" was. He said, "love."
That all he wanted was LOVE and LOVE. (What is Love?)
That of course, helped solidify that I hated this guy. For 1) there is NO "our" or "us" because he doesn't know me. 2) My dream is not "love." Wilson talked as though Love was this thing to be captured like a butterfly.
So I told him that I didn't think we had the same dream. He told me that we did, its just that I was being PUSHY!
Ha, I've never been called PUSHY!
He told me that I needed to be cool headed; to which I responded, "obviously there isn't a we, since he doesn't know if I can be cool headed or not."
Eventually I got it across that I didn't want the same things, or him and I wanted him to leave me alone.
He responded, "can't we be friends?" (huh, you don't believe in friendships)...
He added, "with an agreement?"
I said "No."
And he responded with, "bye....Go and Die"
Since this turn of events, I've talked to 2 people. A friend who met her husband online and another friend. They both suggested that this guy could easily be in prison. Yippee for me. OMG!
I deleted him from my contacts last night; alas I got 3 other "dings" from him. Finally this afternoon, I responded. I just said, "I don't think we are meant to be." Of course, I got "why do you think that?"
I know I should have ended last night; not respond at all. I suppose after teling Mexican boy to beat it, that little bit of self doubt crept in. So we discussed it. And now, I have no doubt. END THIS
So, I asked him if he had any siblings, since his parents had died? >> No.
Did he have any relatives that he was close to? >> No
Were his parents only children? >> Apparently yes.
I stopped that line of questioning and went to, do you have any friends that you are close to? >> No.
A secretary, a co-worker that you share a joke with, or coffee with? >> Yes, but they aren't friends. Friends are bad.
HUH? Friends are bad? How does one live without friends?
I told him I would have died by now without friends, and that in the end...after the physical, etc. goes, all we have is friendship - I hope.
So then he asked me if I was ready to make "our dream real."
I asked what "our 'dream'" was. He said, "love."
That all he wanted was LOVE and LOVE. (What is Love?)
That of course, helped solidify that I hated this guy. For 1) there is NO "our" or "us" because he doesn't know me. 2) My dream is not "love." Wilson talked as though Love was this thing to be captured like a butterfly.
So I told him that I didn't think we had the same dream. He told me that we did, its just that I was being PUSHY!
Ha, I've never been called PUSHY!
He told me that I needed to be cool headed; to which I responded, "obviously there isn't a we, since he doesn't know if I can be cool headed or not."
Eventually I got it across that I didn't want the same things, or him and I wanted him to leave me alone.
He responded, "can't we be friends?" (huh, you don't believe in friendships)...
He added, "with an agreement?"
I said "No."
And he responded with, "bye....Go and Die"
Since this turn of events, I've talked to 2 people. A friend who met her husband online and another friend. They both suggested that this guy could easily be in prison. Yippee for me. OMG!
No Hurry!
Ed bit the dust; I'm sorry to say. I realized as I was getting my hair done on Wednesday, that he has never been ANYWHERE. That's one thing when you're 18, but at 49....and never have left within a 100 mile radius of where you grew up, lived? that's not the guy for me. I did like him, though. Its just hard enough trying to be friends with the people you are friends with, without trying to find love. Or a relationship.
I haven't thrown in the towel with Pinedale, though I think I will walk away for a week or so. Its hard to know if his invite a few weeks ago really was kind of what I thought it could be - a booty call, or if he's in. I asked him out last Sunday night, and he came back with he had plans this weekend. I'm not sure he did (he was online when he should have been out), but it really is none of my business. He was kind of whiny, really, the last time I "IM" with him....someone finally wants to go out with him. Oh please! I'm sure there are lots of people that do* He told me that I wouldn't vroom over there to see him - so I emailed him, and told him quite directly that he had the wrong girl. If I can drive clear from Laramie to Birney MT in a VW Bug during a snow storm...he has the wrong girl.
* There are lots of people that want to go out with all of us, and we them. But do we? something just isn't right. For whatever reason.
Another fellow, Wilson, that I've been IM with.... how many times do I have to answer the question ".... are u true? are u for real?" I hate that. I've answered it more than once, he apparently doesn't remember who he is talking to. I get the question, I know the question - but learn to ask it in different ways. Dig a little deeper. Need I say, I removed him from my IM and when I hear from him again (which I'm certain I will), I will tell him to beat it. Either dig deeper or beat it.
Hispanic Boy IM me today; he did the other night, after I hadn't heard from him in 3 weeks. I did tell Hispanic Boy to please leave me alone. I am uninterested. And of course got the response - "okay, your losse"
This is a lesson to me...JUST because men don't contact you does not mean they don't think about you, or they don't remember you. So...No Hurry!
And Mike, who did the phone interview, is not interested and THANK GOODNESS. I was uninterested in him. No, I'm not going to post "Gays are Us" signs in my Yard, though I do believe in Gay Marriages, so its best we don't connect.
So now I enjoy a cuppa hot chocolat, after my cuppa tea and think of taking Stella for a walk. Yes, I do believe we will go.
I haven't thrown in the towel with Pinedale, though I think I will walk away for a week or so. Its hard to know if his invite a few weeks ago really was kind of what I thought it could be - a booty call, or if he's in. I asked him out last Sunday night, and he came back with he had plans this weekend. I'm not sure he did (he was online when he should have been out), but it really is none of my business. He was kind of whiny, really, the last time I "IM" with him....someone finally wants to go out with him. Oh please! I'm sure there are lots of people that do* He told me that I wouldn't vroom over there to see him - so I emailed him, and told him quite directly that he had the wrong girl. If I can drive clear from Laramie to Birney MT in a VW Bug during a snow storm...he has the wrong girl.
* There are lots of people that want to go out with all of us, and we them. But do we? something just isn't right. For whatever reason.
Another fellow, Wilson, that I've been IM with.... how many times do I have to answer the question ".... are u true? are u for real?" I hate that. I've answered it more than once, he apparently doesn't remember who he is talking to. I get the question, I know the question - but learn to ask it in different ways. Dig a little deeper. Need I say, I removed him from my IM and when I hear from him again (which I'm certain I will), I will tell him to beat it. Either dig deeper or beat it.
Hispanic Boy IM me today; he did the other night, after I hadn't heard from him in 3 weeks. I did tell Hispanic Boy to please leave me alone. I am uninterested. And of course got the response - "okay, your losse"
This is a lesson to me...JUST because men don't contact you does not mean they don't think about you, or they don't remember you. So...No Hurry!
And Mike, who did the phone interview, is not interested and THANK GOODNESS. I was uninterested in him. No, I'm not going to post "Gays are Us" signs in my Yard, though I do believe in Gay Marriages, so its best we don't connect.
So now I enjoy a cuppa hot chocolat, after my cuppa tea and think of taking Stella for a walk. Yes, I do believe we will go.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Online....
I just thought of this - its somewhat of a side note from the rest of my real ONLINE Dating experiences.
I teach online, to Korean Speaking people, English. The other night, my last student was a young man of 17. He had this bowl style haircut. Actually cute as a "bug." And he was very into our lesson (some of the others are too shy, too self-conscious, to truly get into the lesson and SPEAK) and as the class came to a close, he looked very intently at me and said, "you are very pretty." I, of course, said thank you.
They do like pretty people; and tend to like women.
Aside from being in Korea (WAY too far away), I think he is a little young and no doubt, a little short for me. Ah...
I teach online, to Korean Speaking people, English. The other night, my last student was a young man of 17. He had this bowl style haircut. Actually cute as a "bug." And he was very into our lesson (some of the others are too shy, too self-conscious, to truly get into the lesson and SPEAK) and as the class came to a close, he looked very intently at me and said, "you are very pretty." I, of course, said thank you.
They do like pretty people; and tend to like women.
Aside from being in Korea (WAY too far away), I think he is a little young and no doubt, a little short for me. Ah...
Only a Friend
Its pretty much been solidified for me today, as sad as it sounds, that Eddie is not the guy for me. Nice guy - but I got bored out of my mind this morning when he talked about my computer. I don't want to talk about the computer - BORING. Sorry Eddie. Eddie will only be a friend.
As for some guy in Buffalo - he wants a woman that fits into HIS schedule. Move on.
As for some guy in Buffalo - he wants a woman that fits into HIS schedule. Move on.
Am I Wearing Panties?
I emailed Pinedale, kind of giving him hell, because he acted a little whiney the other night. Don't act like you're the only person that hasn't been on a date in years.....
In the process of it, though I REMEMBERED this incident which pretty much took me out of the "Match.com" scene until recently.
I met a guy online, 2-3 years ago. He came through Sheridan and had dinner with me. I have recalled more of that night since emailing this story to Pinedale (who has yet to read it - see the other post on "You've Got Mail" Heck, see the other posts all together).
After we had ordered our dinner, he started quizzing me. Did I have any panties on?
HUH?
(Yes)
Let me see them.
HUH????
Some (all right, probably everyone ever hearing THIS story) wondered WHY I didn't get up and leave.
Truly, because I didn't care. I knew I wasn't going to kiss him, hug him, OR.. have sex with him. I could be mildly entertained. Oh, he did wonder how it was that I wasn't as conversationalist with him in person as I was online/on the phone. Well, honestly, because once I saw him and once he started in on my panties, I LOST ALL INTEREST. I was, just there, for the dinner.
So as we ate our dinners, and he continued after me to show him my panties, I dodged questions....Once I was done with my dinner, however, I hiked up my skirt and showed him my panties. (Jackass)
As the skirt fell and I reached for my beer, he "DOUBLE DOGGED DARED ME" to moon him.
Who the hell Double Dog Dares someone? How old is he? 7???
With that, I grabbed my beer, gave him the finger and walked out.
(Later I would hear Toby Keith - I do believe - sing about "double dog daring" someone. Still that is a song. Not a line for a girl, on a date)
In the process of it, though I REMEMBERED this incident which pretty much took me out of the "Match.com" scene until recently.
I met a guy online, 2-3 years ago. He came through Sheridan and had dinner with me. I have recalled more of that night since emailing this story to Pinedale (who has yet to read it - see the other post on "You've Got Mail" Heck, see the other posts all together).
After we had ordered our dinner, he started quizzing me. Did I have any panties on?
HUH?
(Yes)
Let me see them.
HUH????
Some (all right, probably everyone ever hearing THIS story) wondered WHY I didn't get up and leave.
Truly, because I didn't care. I knew I wasn't going to kiss him, hug him, OR.. have sex with him. I could be mildly entertained. Oh, he did wonder how it was that I wasn't as conversationalist with him in person as I was online/on the phone. Well, honestly, because once I saw him and once he started in on my panties, I LOST ALL INTEREST. I was, just there, for the dinner.
So as we ate our dinners, and he continued after me to show him my panties, I dodged questions....Once I was done with my dinner, however, I hiked up my skirt and showed him my panties. (Jackass)
As the skirt fell and I reached for my beer, he "DOUBLE DOGGED DARED ME" to moon him.
Who the hell Double Dog Dares someone? How old is he? 7???
With that, I grabbed my beer, gave him the finger and walked out.
(Later I would hear Toby Keith - I do believe - sing about "double dog daring" someone. Still that is a song. Not a line for a girl, on a date)
You've Got Mail
Well Folks, today, there will be 2 posts, as I tell a story of an experience I went through a few years ago. But for now....
You've Got Mail. Something in yesterday made me think of that movie (something? hmmmm... I wonder what it could have been).
In the movie, didn't they get sad, maybe even a little depressed, when they sat down at their computer and there was NOTHING there? I think I need to see the movie, again! Maybe even buy it and watch it every other day during this particular journey in my life.
I have added a few new fellas in my Yahoo Messenger. I hope I can keep up with them.
You've Got Mail. Something in yesterday made me think of that movie (something? hmmmm... I wonder what it could have been).
In the movie, didn't they get sad, maybe even a little depressed, when they sat down at their computer and there was NOTHING there? I think I need to see the movie, again! Maybe even buy it and watch it every other day during this particular journey in my life.
I have added a few new fellas in my Yahoo Messenger. I hope I can keep up with them.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Ye of Little Faith
Edward rose from the dust. I reached out to him, stating that distance is not necessarily a good enough reason FOR ME, to say "sorry, won't work." And he responded that yes, friends is possible.
For heavens SAKES...my most significant relationship started long distance and I drove CLEAR across Wyoming in VW Bug - even in bad weather!! I don't like the way it ended, and it certainly has scarred me - was it worth it? Definitely.
Pinedale - the man has infuriated me. Truly. He teases me and yet he doesn't think I will actually show up on his door in Pinedale. He picked the WRONG GIRL to say that to. Despite not quite being shut down, I guess - I still think of leaving here on a Wednesday - or early Thursday morning and SURPRISE. See what SHOCK he has. See if he will need CPR. Jackass. Yes, Jackass. I may never meet him - and at times I can really say "HIS LOSS" though sometimes it hurts. Heck, maybe I will go to Lander for the night and then onto Pinedale.... time will tell. Not this weekend or next. Jackass Jackass Jackass. He is a man of little faith, too.
So I pick myself up, put on pretty clothes and my make up for the 3rd time. And go out and be "successful." Or attempt to be.
Truly though, I don't want to CARE this much about a relationship. It CANNOT run my whole life. Ye of Little Faith. Have faith that God has a plan and its better than MY plan....
Ye of Little Faith.
For heavens SAKES...my most significant relationship started long distance and I drove CLEAR across Wyoming in VW Bug - even in bad weather!! I don't like the way it ended, and it certainly has scarred me - was it worth it? Definitely.
Pinedale - the man has infuriated me. Truly. He teases me and yet he doesn't think I will actually show up on his door in Pinedale. He picked the WRONG GIRL to say that to. Despite not quite being shut down, I guess - I still think of leaving here on a Wednesday - or early Thursday morning and SURPRISE. See what SHOCK he has. See if he will need CPR. Jackass. Yes, Jackass. I may never meet him - and at times I can really say "HIS LOSS" though sometimes it hurts. Heck, maybe I will go to Lander for the night and then onto Pinedale.... time will tell. Not this weekend or next. Jackass Jackass Jackass. He is a man of little faith, too.
So I pick myself up, put on pretty clothes and my make up for the 3rd time. And go out and be "successful." Or attempt to be.
Truly though, I don't want to CARE this much about a relationship. It CANNOT run my whole life. Ye of Little Faith. Have faith that God has a plan and its better than MY plan....
Ye of Little Faith.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Hmmmm???
Okay, the following is just 1 of a few "emails" that I have gotten... Can someone kind of explain it to me? Does he want to get intimate before we are friends? OMG! And then some of the pictures... PLEASE! have some dignity! I do.
>>Hello,How are you ,What a nice ride on your profile ...Just a look at ur profile ,humm,Sound nice .I just have to pack and write a note;I want to have that chance to get to know u and see how we can get intimate for a serious friendship,if that is what you are here for.I really don't care about the age,race,look and distance difference.I'm here for the inner spaitial " ".Am inviting u to get in touch with me on contact data in here or personal once Like, ------@yahoo.com .My sleepover night is just to see your mail ...I will be most happiest person having you ...>>
Having me in WHAT WAY?
>>Hello,How are you ,What a nice ride on your profile ...Just a look at ur profile ,humm,Sound nice .I just have to pack and write a note;I want to have that chance to get to know u and see how we can get intimate for a serious friendship,if that is what you are here for.I really don't care about the age,race,look and distance difference.I'm here for the inner spaitial " ".Am inviting u to get in touch with me on contact data in here or personal once Like, ------@yahoo.com .My sleepover night is just to see your mail ...I will be most happiest person having you ...>>
Having me in WHAT WAY?
Good Bye KRM...
They are biting the dust like dead flies in the summer heat! I let KRM know last night that I couldn't continue to correspond with him because ultimately, initially there is NO SPARK. I didn't say it like that. Though it is what I meant.
And I got a response that I needed to delete my profile, pull my head out and what is sad as that I am the type of girl that plays games because I can. I think that sounds somewhat angry; though obviously a guy who doesn't know a damn thing about me, either. I play some games, as that is the nature of this.... however, I am not the type of girl THAT CAN play games nor do I like to.
Alas, next....
And I got a response that I needed to delete my profile, pull my head out and what is sad as that I am the type of girl that plays games because I can. I think that sounds somewhat angry; though obviously a guy who doesn't know a damn thing about me, either. I play some games, as that is the nature of this.... however, I am not the type of girl THAT CAN play games nor do I like to.
Alas, next....
Learning about Leather
So Bob wants to teach me about Leather. As in Leather camisoles, garters, etc. Interesting. Why not? Life is about learning, no. (I can see you all sort of smirking, smiling, laughing....thinking OMG...Bob is clear across the USA from me) Learning About Leather....Why NOT?
Good Bye Earl...or Ed
Ed bit the dust; his choice. He couldn't figure out how a long-distance relationship would work. It hurt. Even if I hadn't had a long relationship with him.
Perhaps it hurt more becasuse I never thought of my location as being so far reaching, but it is. This town sucks when it comes to meeting people, connecting with them. It does seem that a lot of the people together, either met in College or there abouts - or grew up together.
And I can't just pick up and move, can I? for love. To perhaps meet someone? Must meet and then move? That is how I did it for - I'll call him Earl. So both Earl and Ed...Good Bye! (Thank You Dixie Chicks)
I've also done the red-neck scene. Not that Earl was the traditional red-neck...he wasn't. I just don't think I can go back to a specific ranching life. Specific as in THAT is how we make our living. I can be with someone that rides horses, goes on pack trips, etc. But not our livelihood.
I guess as long as I am saying Good-Byes, I might as well include CJA. To some, he was known as Sparks last summer. THANK GOODNESS nothing EVER happened (romantically) between us. Since last summer, his name has changed to "Cranky Jackass" or CJA. He is cranky. And he can be a real jackass. And being around him, or even talking to him, usually puts me in a bad mood. He is currently playing a martyr within his family. I want to live, I want to run, for as long as I possibly can. I don't want to be old before my time!
Perhaps it hurt more becasuse I never thought of my location as being so far reaching, but it is. This town sucks when it comes to meeting people, connecting with them. It does seem that a lot of the people together, either met in College or there abouts - or grew up together.
And I can't just pick up and move, can I? for love. To perhaps meet someone? Must meet and then move? That is how I did it for - I'll call him Earl. So both Earl and Ed...Good Bye! (Thank You Dixie Chicks)
I've also done the red-neck scene. Not that Earl was the traditional red-neck...he wasn't. I just don't think I can go back to a specific ranching life. Specific as in THAT is how we make our living. I can be with someone that rides horses, goes on pack trips, etc. But not our livelihood.
I guess as long as I am saying Good-Byes, I might as well include CJA. To some, he was known as Sparks last summer. THANK GOODNESS nothing EVER happened (romantically) between us. Since last summer, his name has changed to "Cranky Jackass" or CJA. He is cranky. And he can be a real jackass. And being around him, or even talking to him, usually puts me in a bad mood. He is currently playing a martyr within his family. I want to live, I want to run, for as long as I possibly can. I don't want to be old before my time!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Just Difficult... You Got Mail!
Good Morning,
This is just difficult. And makes me think of the movie "You've Got Mail!" and how excited they felt when they had mail and how UNHAPPY they felt when they didn't.
Answers to some questions from friends - Mike is not an original cute guy; he isn't ugly (from his pictures), he just isn't the guy I was originally attracted to. He found me (which isn't a bad thing). And as said in earlier posting, he and I do not share some - what? It isn't that I think I have to agree with you and you have to agree with me, Mike's a red neck.
Pinedale is the OMG Handsome man that I really do like. I do hope I didn't mess up my opportunity to meet him and then on the other, if I did - then it wasn't meant to be and HIS loss. So I am thinking positively regarding Pinedale and myself.*
* I just read in Oprah: Find Comfort in Discomfort - Accept that you will never get rid of self-doubt. An adventurous person will always have moments of feeling like a fraud - its a sign that you're creating new roles for yourself, that you are evolving. It means you're doing great, passionate work.
Nothing in life WORTH HAVING is easy. Not to say that we have to purposely make it more difficult.
Which leads me to Ed. He told me I could call him Ed, Eddie or Edward. I'm trying Ed for now. He lives in Massachuesettes. I like his writing style and his sense of humor. He has a few pictures posted - and captions that are just funny. I do like the name Edward, though Ed or Eddie are more my style.
Another fella from Massachuesettes wants to train me in leather. I'm not sure exactly what THAT means yet, stay tuned!
RancherAlways (His online name is something like that) remembers seeing me at a concert here in town a few weeks ago. He lives in Montana; he even remembers what kind of beer I was drinking. Wow! See - You never can tell!
I think I'm meeting Newcastle this afternoon for an early dinner. Newcastle seems like a nice man, that's all I can really say about him at the moment.
I want Adventure! and of course LOVE! And Mail! or MALE!
This is just difficult. And makes me think of the movie "You've Got Mail!" and how excited they felt when they had mail and how UNHAPPY they felt when they didn't.
Answers to some questions from friends - Mike is not an original cute guy; he isn't ugly (from his pictures), he just isn't the guy I was originally attracted to. He found me (which isn't a bad thing). And as said in earlier posting, he and I do not share some - what? It isn't that I think I have to agree with you and you have to agree with me, Mike's a red neck.
Pinedale is the OMG Handsome man that I really do like. I do hope I didn't mess up my opportunity to meet him and then on the other, if I did - then it wasn't meant to be and HIS loss. So I am thinking positively regarding Pinedale and myself.*
* I just read in Oprah: Find Comfort in Discomfort - Accept that you will never get rid of self-doubt. An adventurous person will always have moments of feeling like a fraud - its a sign that you're creating new roles for yourself, that you are evolving. It means you're doing great, passionate work.
Nothing in life WORTH HAVING is easy. Not to say that we have to purposely make it more difficult.
Which leads me to Ed. He told me I could call him Ed, Eddie or Edward. I'm trying Ed for now. He lives in Massachuesettes. I like his writing style and his sense of humor. He has a few pictures posted - and captions that are just funny. I do like the name Edward, though Ed or Eddie are more my style.
Another fella from Massachuesettes wants to train me in leather. I'm not sure exactly what THAT means yet, stay tuned!
RancherAlways (His online name is something like that) remembers seeing me at a concert here in town a few weeks ago. He lives in Montana; he even remembers what kind of beer I was drinking. Wow! See - You never can tell!
I think I'm meeting Newcastle this afternoon for an early dinner. Newcastle seems like a nice man, that's all I can really say about him at the moment.
I want Adventure! and of course LOVE! And Mail! or MALE!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
You Never Can Tell!
You never can tell... I believe that is a Shakespeare play. I should know but I really can't remember, all I know is that I do refer to it, in my mind at times.
Anyways, just when I thought the stream was dried up...that the person who I was FAVORED with removed me; the person that was no longer on my internet dating site was gone - Well, Mike calls and Kelly is back online.
However, You Never Can Tell. I had a 30 minute conversation with Mike tonight. He opposes gays; that could be an issue. I accept them for who they are, and that they probably want love and companionship as I, who is heterosexual does. I believe in Gay Marriage in the Civil sense, not in a Biblical sense. I do. I would hate to be kept from my loved ones records and information and bedside, simply because of the fact that we are who we are.
Anyways, he is 1" taller than me (+); he has been around Wyoming but isn't FROM Wyoming (+); he asked me all these questions - kind of like I was on an interview (+/-) however I answered them as though I was talking to my bestest girlfriend. With honesty and laughter! (!+!) He told me that he would give our conversation some thought and get back to me; and of course I do the same. His one true (-) is that he's only been divorced for a little over a year.
As for Kelly, he might want to get on the ball...he could email me back. Alas, this is good. And my thighs, my sunburn, is healing.
Anyways, just when I thought the stream was dried up...that the person who I was FAVORED with removed me; the person that was no longer on my internet dating site was gone - Well, Mike calls and Kelly is back online.
However, You Never Can Tell. I had a 30 minute conversation with Mike tonight. He opposes gays; that could be an issue. I accept them for who they are, and that they probably want love and companionship as I, who is heterosexual does. I believe in Gay Marriage in the Civil sense, not in a Biblical sense. I do. I would hate to be kept from my loved ones records and information and bedside, simply because of the fact that we are who we are.
Anyways, he is 1" taller than me (+); he has been around Wyoming but isn't FROM Wyoming (+); he asked me all these questions - kind of like I was on an interview (+/-) however I answered them as though I was talking to my bestest girlfriend. With honesty and laughter! (!+!) He told me that he would give our conversation some thought and get back to me; and of course I do the same. His one true (-) is that he's only been divorced for a little over a year.
As for Kelly, he might want to get on the ball...he could email me back. Alas, this is good. And my thighs, my sunburn, is healing.
Monday, May 31, 2010
10 Days and What?
Okay, its been 10 days since I last posted. Dating is only really fun, I think, when there are lots of fish interested in you. And good fish, like Rainbow Trout... not suckers. Not maybe even catfish (they can be mean).
Oh, and the thought of moving - always on my mind. Not only are there attractive men ELSEWHERE, there would be MANY attractive single men elsewhere.
My lovelife is like my thighs are right now... sunburnt and dried up. It cannot go on like this.
So I bought the book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man." Sometimes I have troubles acting like a lady, and I usually always think like a woman.
Will see if it helps me at all!
Oh, and the thought of moving - always on my mind. Not only are there attractive men ELSEWHERE, there would be MANY attractive single men elsewhere.
My lovelife is like my thighs are right now... sunburnt and dried up. It cannot go on like this.
So I bought the book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man." Sometimes I have troubles acting like a lady, and I usually always think like a woman.
Will see if it helps me at all!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Stop ME!
Goodness me....someone needs to STOP me. I have spent MORE time, online, reading...okay LOOKING and then reading. Enough! I know it will happen, though I do know I can't sit at home and "wait" for it to happen (so thus, get online). Oh my.
Its been a very busy week for me; aside from my lunch date ...that with a fair amount of reflection, the guy STRUCK out before we ever sat down for lunch. You don't sit with "friends" on a first date; I do NOT care how nervous you are. We are all nervous.
And then in the process of it all, I have some fear that I alienated myself from the guy I have met, have IM with, and do like.... NO, I did not confess undying love for him. I at least have some pride left. Maybe scared him off?
I told a friend "I suck" when it comes to men, to flirting. She suggested I change that to my "headline" and see just how many frogs I got with it!! I said, "I'd probably even attract lizards."
As for the guy above, while there has been no correspondence since Thursday morning... you can usually find out who is "checking you out," and so far....we're even. He's likely to get, though.... a little shock, by the time the weekend is over. While getting my nails done, I had a bit of a naughty thought. Nothing obnoxious or obsene....just something I haven't seen yet (online) and something he probably will not be expecting. So maybe my flirting skills aren't sucky.... they just need toning.
I'm thinking of sharing my blog with more people; including some guys I went to high school with. Time will tell.
For now, I really need to do something besides sit at my computer.
Thanks for reading!
Toodles!
Its been a very busy week for me; aside from my lunch date ...that with a fair amount of reflection, the guy STRUCK out before we ever sat down for lunch. You don't sit with "friends" on a first date; I do NOT care how nervous you are. We are all nervous.
And then in the process of it all, I have some fear that I alienated myself from the guy I have met, have IM with, and do like.... NO, I did not confess undying love for him. I at least have some pride left. Maybe scared him off?
I told a friend "I suck" when it comes to men, to flirting. She suggested I change that to my "headline" and see just how many frogs I got with it!! I said, "I'd probably even attract lizards."
As for the guy above, while there has been no correspondence since Thursday morning... you can usually find out who is "checking you out," and so far....we're even. He's likely to get, though.... a little shock, by the time the weekend is over. While getting my nails done, I had a bit of a naughty thought. Nothing obnoxious or obsene....just something I haven't seen yet (online) and something he probably will not be expecting. So maybe my flirting skills aren't sucky.... they just need toning.
I'm thinking of sharing my blog with more people; including some guys I went to high school with. Time will tell.
For now, I really need to do something besides sit at my computer.
Thanks for reading!
Toodles!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Use 'Em and Lose 'Em???
Had a lunch date yesterday with a guy who said he was good-looking - I knew better than to believe that yet I...was hoping. The last guy that told me he was cute...said he looked like Bruce Springsteen. Yes, about 50 times removed.
I suppose the guy wasn't ugly; he was nervous, now that I think about it. I tend to just sit back and watch, when it isn't maybe what I had hoped. And I JUST realized that is what I do.
So the guy I'm really attracted to, at the moment, is ... of course.... a player. Always attracted to a player. Those bad boys. Hm. So do I use him and lose him, too? I do not know. In the meantime, he is fun to flirt with - BIG FUN; cute as hell; and the only player I've met with a really great job.
Other than learning some things about me (too), along the way, one thing I am truly learning is that I want someone better than I have had. If he is an entreprenuer, I want him to be a SUCCESSFUL one. I can't handle those that have tried too many "adventures" and still coming up with muck.
I suppose the guy wasn't ugly; he was nervous, now that I think about it. I tend to just sit back and watch, when it isn't maybe what I had hoped. And I JUST realized that is what I do.
So the guy I'm really attracted to, at the moment, is ... of course.... a player. Always attracted to a player. Those bad boys. Hm. So do I use him and lose him, too? I do not know. In the meantime, he is fun to flirt with - BIG FUN; cute as hell; and the only player I've met with a really great job.
Other than learning some things about me (too), along the way, one thing I am truly learning is that I want someone better than I have had. If he is an entreprenuer, I want him to be a SUCCESSFUL one. I can't handle those that have tried too many "adventures" and still coming up with muck.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Are ALL the Cute men in Colorado???
Good Evening,
Men can be SO FRUSTRATING. They say "I don't play games," but THEY DO. They don't call, they "pull away" just when you think they like you. Not that anyone has necessarily pulled away because as you know, I have no one to pull away from me.
That being said, from what I've experienced thus far, 99% of the cute men... 99% the men that you would REALLY pant after, are in Colorado.
Some man, who's stringy, oily, long, gross looking hair that is hanging in his face starts off with "I can't spell, I need a babysitter, you probably don't want me ... BUT"
NO BUTS. Your picture SAYS it all, baby. Gross. Just Gross. And tell me, am I nice? Well, I'm nice in that I haven't said anything to this guy. Still, REALLY?
Oh....oh...oh.... this blog may be for my benefit more than anyone else, as I can come back to it when it appears that the fishing hole has dried up!
Anyways, I have work to do. I can't just sit here, drinking beer and eating chips and salsa...though sometimes I really REALLY want to.
Toodles!
Men can be SO FRUSTRATING. They say "I don't play games," but THEY DO. They don't call, they "pull away" just when you think they like you. Not that anyone has necessarily pulled away because as you know, I have no one to pull away from me.
That being said, from what I've experienced thus far, 99% of the cute men... 99% the men that you would REALLY pant after, are in Colorado.
Some man, who's stringy, oily, long, gross looking hair that is hanging in his face starts off with "I can't spell, I need a babysitter, you probably don't want me ... BUT"
NO BUTS. Your picture SAYS it all, baby. Gross. Just Gross. And tell me, am I nice? Well, I'm nice in that I haven't said anything to this guy. Still, REALLY?
Oh....oh...oh.... this blog may be for my benefit more than anyone else, as I can come back to it when it appears that the fishing hole has dried up!
Anyways, I have work to do. I can't just sit here, drinking beer and eating chips and salsa...though sometimes I really REALLY want to.
Toodles!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Weekend Update: Princess!
Okay, I forgot one fellow.... Some apparently half Italian/half American guy named Evans. He's a widow. Cute as anything - dark and handsome. But OH MY... actually we have a lot of the same interests. I was going to say we have a lot in common - that is not the same as having the same interests. I really don't think so.
Anyways... dark and handsome.... a couple inches shorter than me (it would bother me. I would like to think it wouldn't, but it does).... and he kept referring to me as ... PRINCESS. I can handle "babe, darlin, sweetie.... even 'honey' " but not.... Princess. That makes me want to truly CHOKE someone.
Anyways... dark and handsome.... a couple inches shorter than me (it would bother me. I would like to think it wouldn't, but it does).... and he kept referring to me as ... PRINCESS. I can handle "babe, darlin, sweetie.... even 'honey' " but not.... Princess. That makes me want to truly CHOKE someone.
Weekend Online!
Oh Dear...what a weekend... of fun, I guess. I'm actually online to meet someone REAL, not be a "special friend," though I did find a guy who - I don't know, I like. His name is Phillip. And his "intro" is a little confusing, I would say. For the most part, I would just say he's looking for a Friend with Benefits - however he is VERY particular as to what kind of person that Friend IS!
I have actually met quite a few people with no teeth - and yes, that bothers me. It may be good at times that they have no teeth; though those times can be good too, with teeth. So.... please. What part of my intro says "I like men with NO teeth, 50 lbs. over weight, and bad health?" I'm pretty sure I do not have that anywhere!
Then I did get kind of a happy "hit" for me. A guy who on one site, hasn't given me the time of day...on a "paying site" though... I got a rather happy note. He'd been outside all day (with his tomatoes) and came to check the internet..and there I was! He's apparently a GOOD LOOKING tall guy who knows what he wants. And that is one thing that I want, well, 3. I want good looking (to me) and someone who knows what he wants, realizes that his wants can come in short/tall, blond/brunette, etc. as well as a gardener (and someone that is a great gardener is a plus).
On another note, though, a bald ~ kind of toothless wonder ~ did tell me I had a great smile. I would be lying if I said that did not boost my moral.
So that is my post for the weekend. It IS time for bed. And I do want to go to bed; just don't want to go to work, tomorrow!
Thanks for reading.
I have actually met quite a few people with no teeth - and yes, that bothers me. It may be good at times that they have no teeth; though those times can be good too, with teeth. So.... please. What part of my intro says "I like men with NO teeth, 50 lbs. over weight, and bad health?" I'm pretty sure I do not have that anywhere!
Then I did get kind of a happy "hit" for me. A guy who on one site, hasn't given me the time of day...on a "paying site" though... I got a rather happy note. He'd been outside all day (with his tomatoes) and came to check the internet..and there I was! He's apparently a GOOD LOOKING tall guy who knows what he wants. And that is one thing that I want, well, 3. I want good looking (to me) and someone who knows what he wants, realizes that his wants can come in short/tall, blond/brunette, etc. as well as a gardener (and someone that is a great gardener is a plus).
On another note, though, a bald ~ kind of toothless wonder ~ did tell me I had a great smile. I would be lying if I said that did not boost my moral.
So that is my post for the weekend. It IS time for bed. And I do want to go to bed; just don't want to go to work, tomorrow!
Thanks for reading.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Intro to Date Line
Dear Friends,
I thought of setting up a blog page after seeing the movie "Julie and Julia," and if you haven't seen it, I do recommend it. Especially for loving men. It is a tribute to loving, supportive men, as well as Julia Child's.
That being said, Date Line, basically, is my adventure to finding what I hope to be the Love of My Life.
Date Line grew out of my most recent beginnings of "online" - not quite dating. Meeting men online.
Personally, I'm tired of the loser at the end of the bar with a few teeth missing thinking I'm his next filly. I deserve better than that. As most people do (because there are women that have the same defaults). I'm educated. I'm smart, and pretty, and worthy of a true fella. And I have all the necessary teeth (more on that later)
Anyways, I was sharing earlier this week with a friend from high school (and we weren't even best friends in high school) of my search for love in my life. And as I was sending her a message, I thought, "Date Line." What a perfect name for a blog like this. And truth be told, I do love to "write," type....anything with the written word.
So we will see how it goes. I hope it to be something of pride.
Toodles for now,
Poppy
I thought of setting up a blog page after seeing the movie "Julie and Julia," and if you haven't seen it, I do recommend it. Especially for loving men. It is a tribute to loving, supportive men, as well as Julia Child's.
That being said, Date Line, basically, is my adventure to finding what I hope to be the Love of My Life.
Date Line grew out of my most recent beginnings of "online" - not quite dating. Meeting men online.
Personally, I'm tired of the loser at the end of the bar with a few teeth missing thinking I'm his next filly. I deserve better than that. As most people do (because there are women that have the same defaults). I'm educated. I'm smart, and pretty, and worthy of a true fella. And I have all the necessary teeth (more on that later)
Anyways, I was sharing earlier this week with a friend from high school (and we weren't even best friends in high school) of my search for love in my life. And as I was sending her a message, I thought, "Date Line." What a perfect name for a blog like this. And truth be told, I do love to "write," type....anything with the written word.
So we will see how it goes. I hope it to be something of pride.
Toodles for now,
Poppy
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