The Balance Carries On

At the same time I don't want to go on the date, because I'm kind of starting to dislike it all.

In a sense, I feel that by not going on the date, and walking away - I can cut any strings and just be.

Save my gift certificate and go with someone that I really enjoy, or on a date that will have a possibility.   A date that isn't flooded with lots of negativity; friends worried that he will be rude and inconsiderate to me.

I do not have to do this.

Still Finding that Balance

Here's exactly how I feel...right or wrong...it is how I feel. 

I don't want to go out with him because that will probably be the end of it, whatever "it" is.  And I don't want this ?? hell ?? to end because ya, I'm bored or something.

In a way it seems that being involved is better than nothing

Yet the longer I'm attached in some odd way, the longer the pain continues.

Yet, by God, I am tired of assholes.  One time Willys.
Part of me is afraid that I can't go into the date without an expectation of more.

Just Pudding in the Box

I am beginning to think that all men are really just "Pudding in the Box," and until they prove themselves, that is how they need to be looked upon.  As nothing serious.  Nothing that has proven themselves to be worthy of our time, of our tears, of our fears. 

Recently "bought a cowboy" (Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy) and eventually will have a date with him.  (its scheduled for tonight)  It started out very wild? Partly because he's never been auctioned off and I've never bought a cowboy before; and while I wasn't embarrassed, I just was kind of like a deer in the headlights.  (Oh shit, now what?)

And while we both were feeling, acting in a "holy shit" manner, he still gave me his card with his number.  He still hugged me and said, "call and we'll go out."  And ultimately, he did still call me back after I asked him out.  (Yes, there was a moment that I didn't know)

So why do we cry over pudding in a box?  If it isn't any good, is it really our fault? So we put the right amount of milk in, so we whipped and mixed it for the correct amount of time - just like mom showed us - and we let it chill the right amount of time ....

If it isn't any good, could it not be that the actually pudding that comes in the box, is the problem?

One Decent Damn Man

I don't think people realize just how "on the money" Sex and The City really was and is.

I have a group of pretty friends - 3 beautiful blonds, a striking brunette, and myself - another brunette.  We are 5 different heights, sizes, shapes, personalities, employed in different realms, yet fun loving, smart, generous women.

And do you think one of us can find ONE DECENT DAMN MAN?

Karla's been after a fire man for a while.  Yes, part of the "hold up" is that if she had a date with him, she might not be able to hold back - and she doesn't want to screw it up.  At the same time, either he's in or he's out.  Stop playing...get on it or get out.  Apparently she changed the rules recently, and he's not liking it.  Good for her.

Vicki is new to town, got burnt recently.  Who knew that he was an alcoholic, bad with money and liked a lot of women?  Yes, this guy was to be different.

Stacey is in the same boat I'm in, I think. She's over 40, realizes that "texting" a fella is now the "norm" but really? 

Anita.  Striking in her looks, skinnier than a rail - assists in her striking looks.  Knows how to laugh and be a ditz while not a ditz at all. 

Then there's me.  Working to get into shape, having to color my gray because I'm too young to be this gray and my natural color is too pretty to let go so soon (per my sister).  I won't lie.  I'm tired of being alone; I am lonely.  I would like someone to hug me, to laugh with me, to enjoy me.

Yes, I love my girlfriends.  I have a good time.  My life really doesn't suck.

Its just this one issue. 
Is there just ONE ......decent....damn man available?  We don't each need the 3-5 that we're alloted in life, we just need one.

Celebrate Family Style

Last night I went out of town, just 30 miles, to this BIG RED BARN in the middle of hay fields for a 3rd of July celebration.  A place where families can go, where single people can go to be a part of a bigger family, and listen to wonderful music...dance...people watch (always a favorite) and enjoy the fireworks.

Didn't cost much, $2/car load.  There were food vendors, but I had already eaten.

Old people, young people, ice cream, licorice, popcorn, fried bread.  Big ole green lawn.

It was beautiful; and while I did enjoy the company of some friends, as I sit today, I think - where's my family?  Why aren't we planning something to do family-wise?  Beautiful weather and I could be elsewhere.  I even have today off from work. 

Sadness....
Hoping, yes, that to have a fella in my life, something fun can be planned.  A family camping trip - with my mom in tow!

Celebrations ought to include family.