Well, that happened a couple weeks ago. My friend had just performed on stage, with a belly dance. It was amazing and beautiful. Saying hello, good byes, etc., on the way out, a friend of her's who was talking to a young man, suggested he make a "play" for her. Get to know her. So he came outside, to where the Librarian, the News Reporter and I were standing, and immediately asked her "can I buy you dinner (across the street)?" She responded, "Sure, can my friends go?" And away the 4 of us went.
We weren't even across the street when he yells back over to the theater, "Mom, we're going over for dinner. Come on over."
The 4 of us get inside, and the hostess seats us. We are barely sat down, when "Mom," and her best friend show up. Mom is asking "how are we all going to fit at this table?"
Um..... oh .... how do I get out of this??
Before my mind can even finish that question, we area whisked off to a table that will seat 6 of us.
Once seated, menus appearing, we have a good look at one another.
The young man who has asked my friend out, is a rather interesting looking young man. Long narrow face with blond hair, equally thin body. He gazes intently at my girlfriend; as the night would drag on, I could see him taking her clothes off with his eyes. I suppose that is really what men do, especially in the beginning, however to watch it occur - is something else.
Mom, whose name I have forgotten, probably because she was so obnoxious, reminded me of an uneducated (if there could be) Erin Brockovich, and very NEEDY. She had this hair that was everywhere. Glasses. Some little top on with literally a "Ribbon" as though she had won some award at the 4-H Fair that said "Birthday Girl," and a skirt with the top yoke being of a denim skirt and pockets attached to black gauze.
Kimberly, Mom's friend, had on a blue shirt that had Tinker Bell on it. In addition, she had her hair up in an orange (to match part of her shirt) banana clip; what hair didn't fit into that, was held up with matching colored hair clips. Her earrings were in a complimentary color (though within the colors of her t-shirt) and feathers. She had on what I would describe as bike shorts under her very short shorts. And she carried on, "Oh I have never eaten here...what's good? Have you eaten here? What do you recommend???"
This young man, as the night wore on... reminded me of Heath Ledger as the "Joker" in Batman. And somewhat of Jim Carey, though his looks are rather neither.
The Joker, this young man, would spend his time gaulking at my friend, and having semi-serious discussions with his mom. He would announce rather early in the dinner (before we even ordered) that he and his mom had spent a good 30 years not talking to one another, however they seemed to have recently reconciled.
And thank goodness for that.... I can't imagine WHAT dinner would have been like, otherwise.
The Joker would inform us that he had done 5 years for the State of Wyoming (his mom assured us that not all that time was at the State Penitentiary), however he would clarify, if not for us, definitely for his mom, that he did do 5 years... for selling Meth.
Now he was building expensive tiled Thrones (bathrooms) for people. That he liked to "Create."
I did take the lead in ordering; the kitchen was going to close shortly, they couldn't make up their minds because every so often a fight would erupt between them. The Joker would order Scotch and Water; it made an impression on me as he was very particular as to the type of Scotch, and yet he didn't finish his drink.
The Joker's movements were that of a scary Jim Carey movie; definitely someone who has ADHD. And has used meth? He certainly spoke to my girlfriend, and when she wasn't looking - admiring what he thought she'd look like naked. Though he'd have to flip over to his mom and her girlfriend, as though he was on a date with 3 women at once.
The News Reporter and I, made light talk with them, though basically all we could really do is watch, as this unfolded.
Kimberly, mom's friend, would ask The Joker, WHY her son referred to her as, called her and apparently everyone else, a "bitch." The Joker would respond, "because you don't show him unconditional love. Your love for him has conditions. Do you ever JUST LISTEN to him?? All he wants is for you to LISTEN to him." Well, Kimberly could barely just listen to the Joker; I really have no idea how she could "just listen" to her own son. And I wanted to pipe up and say, "children that call their parents such names, probably 1) learned it from someone, such as a father/boyfriend/brother, and 2) were ignored as children by said people, 3) are very angry. I didn't, mainly because I just wanted to eat dinner and get out.
The Joker's mom would ask, after the f-bomb was dropped a few times - by her son, to her; by her son, in front of her, by her son... "Would you say 'fuck' in front of your mom?"
HA!
My girlfriend said no.
I said, "I've been saying it since I was 4. My mom's heard it from my mouth, many times."
I know Kimberly was shocked.
There would be some small talk, or short conversations about the show we had just seen, and if they performed every week, etc. The conversations were short as invariably the Joker's mom would say something and he'd have to turn to her, and in a hushed shout, tell her .... basically... why... he thought (that she was an idiot).
Mom would share with the News Reporter and myself that she had 2 more boys, twins... one lived - where? She would have to ask the Joker, where Nick lived. The other son, he lived in California and is an eternal college student. That's all he does, is go to school.
She would also share that she has NO IDEA how her kids got like they did. Again, I wanted to say, "REALLY? You are so needy at this ripe old age of??? and you don't know how your children...all 3 of them...got this way."
Now I do realize, that children can be different than parents expect them. Whether they are gay, or an artist, or Magic Johnson or Led Zepplan, they can be very different. Though seriously, when all 3 cut the tie and Mom is overbearing, it's hard NOT to say... "Did you every think about someone besides yourself?" to mom.
Mom would also complain that the State of Wyoming would move the Joker from the local jail for NO REASON...to another part of the State. Then to another town jail; never telling her...after she traveled through a SNOW storm, had to get a tow truck (I didn't hear why, and I didn't ask), go through all this stuff (another time, the story would have been "I had to walk 20 miles in snow as deep as your ass, with only sandals on, wind blowing everything about and it was at least 50 below) only to find out that they had moved her son, and no one bothered to tell her. And WHY?? I offered up a suggestion as to why, and Mom, she wanted none of it. Nope, she asked "why did they have to move him away from her?" and yet "already had the answer." Okay.
The meal would end with the Joker basically ignoring my girlfriend (he had, thankfully ignored me during this time - or maybe I ignored him as my system was a bit in overload, either way) so that he could, in this hushed yell, tell his mom off. Tell her exactly what "true, real love" is - what it isn't. He sounded just like a born-again Christian.... learning to reconcile his life and where he went wrong by doing drugs (what caused him to go down that route) as he told his mom, what LOVE is. And What it Is Not.
My girlfriend wouldn't leave; even though the News Reporter skipped over to another table and I'm not sure he ever returned. Maybe to say "thank you for dinner" because the Joker DID, in fact, buy us all (including Mom and Kimberly) dinner and drinks. My girlfriend said, "I cannot repay rudeness with rudeness."
Um.... I can understand that. Though she and I do disagree on this one. As I said later, even a " 'good date' has to come to an end."
And so it was with a final, desperation, really, on my part...to get her away from him.... that I walked up to her (as she was finally standing at the table, trying to say good-night to him), and I said, "Girlfriend, I NEED you to drive me home." (If she can't do this for herself, then I, as her wing man, can. Remember that... a Good Wing Man does her best to keep her friend from harm)
My biggest fear, and I did express this to her and the News Reporter, as we left, was that he would come find her - where she worked. He showed up at her place of employment the next day....and then again this past week....here is the proof:
