Last night I ran into The Crush.
I hadn't talked to him, I hadn't seen him in a few weeks. I didn't give him the time of day -
He pointed me out to a friend of his, one whom which he was playing pool with.
After a few beers and a dance with a girl, he walked by. He would have said hi to me, as he said hello to my girlfriend, but I turned my head. I ignored him.
My friend said, "that was perfect. He would have waved and said hello to you, but you turned away."
Later, I asked my friend..."How long do I ignore him? Until he finally gathers some brains? Until he gets smart?"
Her response was, "I don't know. Either until he bothers him too much or you don't care anymore."
He's a dumbass. What person turns down a drink with another that they are attracted to? Or perhaps I am too hot for him?? :)
Looking for my Dance Partner....
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Synchronicity
It was Friday, January 13th and I was tired. Tired and hadn't slept good during the past few nights, not because I couldn't sleep, because I was excited, to some degree. I had plans for Saturday morning so I really couldn't be out late... do I go out, or do I not?
The Friday Night Fights were happening, I wanted to go and yet, I needed to get things together. Be organized for my Saturday morning plans. I had mixed feelings for the Friday Night Fights; they sounded like they could be "ewww..." and yet I was intrigued.
So I got to the fights, late. As I stood at the door watching and looking for my friends, no one really stood out. Seeing them, I walked down an isle to them. Half way down, I had to stop and jump aside as this guy came out of his isle, his seat.
Guess who it was? The Hot Crush.
Of course, I knew he could be there, my friend has said as much. Unless he is working, he will be there. Still, to literally run right into him.
I smiled and said, "hello," though continued on to my friends. I'm sure he thought "what the hell?"
Of all the people there, I run right into him?
After the fights were over, I went over to visit with a young gal there, that I had helped with a costume for a play she was in some time ago. HOT CRUSH came out of the restroom. I know he saw me, I ignored him. I headed for the door. He had to have ran, since I had a head start and the inside lane. As he literally walked out right in front of me.
I was in such shock, what to do? What to say....
Fast forward to the next day.... I go to a meeting at one of the Motel Restaurant Bars. I'm there for an hour or so when I go to the restroom. As I come out, straight ahead of me... there he is. Sitting with some people I do not know. WHAT??
I go back to my group, and continue on.
Hours later, he returns. With a variety of friends, some of them I know. Not well, though I do know them.
So I figure it out, how to approach him. I write on a napkin "Are you following me? Because people are going to start talking!" I try to leave it on his lap, but he looks up and we start talking. We talked about drinking, getting drunk - is it a good thing or a bad thing that I am??? Neither, really. It is whatever it is. We talked about football, and of course we read my napkin and he laughed and said, "no I really think you have a scanner out on my truck." HA! I was here before you? Oh no, he says.... I said, "I've been here since 2, and you?" Oh.... it registers, I was here first. He tells me...he was here and then left for a bit. Oh....
I don't keep him, and I certainly don't hang on to him. I leave him to his friends. I've made contact, I've handled it well, I would say, and I go on. As I do leave the establishment, I tell him in his ear.... "I'm leaving. If you see me next, you lose."
Sure enough...he shows up later, at another bar. I've been there since I left him. With my friends. HA! Who is following who?
I'd like to hold onto the synchronicity. And the mystery of me. Let him wonder more about me, who I am, who do I know, how do I know them... when will I show up, with whom, and what kind of surprises will I provide???
The Friday Night Fights were happening, I wanted to go and yet, I needed to get things together. Be organized for my Saturday morning plans. I had mixed feelings for the Friday Night Fights; they sounded like they could be "ewww..." and yet I was intrigued.
So I got to the fights, late. As I stood at the door watching and looking for my friends, no one really stood out. Seeing them, I walked down an isle to them. Half way down, I had to stop and jump aside as this guy came out of his isle, his seat.
Guess who it was? The Hot Crush.
Of course, I knew he could be there, my friend has said as much. Unless he is working, he will be there. Still, to literally run right into him.
I smiled and said, "hello," though continued on to my friends. I'm sure he thought "what the hell?"
Of all the people there, I run right into him?
After the fights were over, I went over to visit with a young gal there, that I had helped with a costume for a play she was in some time ago. HOT CRUSH came out of the restroom. I know he saw me, I ignored him. I headed for the door. He had to have ran, since I had a head start and the inside lane. As he literally walked out right in front of me.
I was in such shock, what to do? What to say....
Fast forward to the next day.... I go to a meeting at one of the Motel Restaurant Bars. I'm there for an hour or so when I go to the restroom. As I come out, straight ahead of me... there he is. Sitting with some people I do not know. WHAT??
I go back to my group, and continue on.
Hours later, he returns. With a variety of friends, some of them I know. Not well, though I do know them.
So I figure it out, how to approach him. I write on a napkin "Are you following me? Because people are going to start talking!" I try to leave it on his lap, but he looks up and we start talking. We talked about drinking, getting drunk - is it a good thing or a bad thing that I am??? Neither, really. It is whatever it is. We talked about football, and of course we read my napkin and he laughed and said, "no I really think you have a scanner out on my truck." HA! I was here before you? Oh no, he says.... I said, "I've been here since 2, and you?" Oh.... it registers, I was here first. He tells me...he was here and then left for a bit. Oh....
I don't keep him, and I certainly don't hang on to him. I leave him to his friends. I've made contact, I've handled it well, I would say, and I go on. As I do leave the establishment, I tell him in his ear.... "I'm leaving. If you see me next, you lose."
Sure enough...he shows up later, at another bar. I've been there since I left him. With my friends. HA! Who is following who?
I'd like to hold onto the synchronicity. And the mystery of me. Let him wonder more about me, who I am, who do I know, how do I know them... when will I show up, with whom, and what kind of surprises will I provide???
Saturday, January 7, 2012
The Hot Crush
So I found the mini-est of mini skirts I own, to show off my legs.
I have nice legs.
Even if I don't see The Hot Crush, someone will see my legs.
The Hot Crush is there.
For once, for once, really, I am not nervous.
I don't approach him.
I could.
I even have moments of thinking ...
But I don't.
Its not that I don't still have the crush, because I do.
I just don't approach him.
What I find empowering really, is that while my Hot Crush is not shy, he won't approach me (even though I've seen him check me out) because he doesn't know me.
If he knew me, or knew about me, or ... he'd have no problem.
So as I walk by, as his friends walk by, they check me out.
I saw them. I watched them.
Good.
Wait til next weekend.
The skirt will be shorter.
The tights ever more sexy.
Get ready.
These legs know what they are doing.
And I, I am ready to approach.
You and your 8 friends are going down.
I have nice legs.
Even if I don't see The Hot Crush, someone will see my legs.
The Hot Crush is there.
For once, for once, really, I am not nervous.
I don't approach him.
I could.
I even have moments of thinking ...
But I don't.
Its not that I don't still have the crush, because I do.
I just don't approach him.
What I find empowering really, is that while my Hot Crush is not shy, he won't approach me (even though I've seen him check me out) because he doesn't know me.
If he knew me, or knew about me, or ... he'd have no problem.
So as I walk by, as his friends walk by, they check me out.
I saw them. I watched them.
Good.
Wait til next weekend.
The skirt will be shorter.
The tights ever more sexy.
Get ready.
These legs know what they are doing.
And I, I am ready to approach.
You and your 8 friends are going down.
The Reversal
Last night a couple friends and I went out, dancing.
A great band was playing in town.
Lots of people were there, plenty of them I did not know.
One man, I've met.....
And the hot crush. ....
James.
He is the one man, I've met.
I met him through The Cowboy, who, was there as well.
I don't actually dislike James, in fact one evening I thought he could be, maybe fun?
After last night, who knows.
And now, I may never know.
James.
He found my friend and I.
We didn't want him.
I think mostly, because with him, comes the Cowboy.
And this cowboy pretty much thinks TOO highly of himself.
James.
I think he is the Cowboy's boss.
They also live together.
It's hard to decipher if they "like" each other -
It doesn't matter, though for some reason, it does.
James.
Mostly when I see him coming, I think "oh shit."
I guess I actually find him boring.
And maybe a bit like the Cowboy.
It's ALL about him.
Did he once ask me, last night, how I was?
What I liked to do?
No.
He talked non-stop about how he accidentally spit in this girl's face.
And then when she came back from "drying off," he apologized to her endlessly for 20 minutes.
Tried to explain, why...how it happened.
It doesn't really matter in a sense... it's one of those things.
Finally, as a girl who was standing there, who had had him ask "why are girls attracted to 'players,'" I said, "enough. You've apologized, now MOVE ON.
He replied, "You didn't get spit on."
No, I didn't. But move on.
I wasn't wrong.
Then later, he's talking to Bill.
My friend says, "Ask Bill to dance."
And I do.
And Bill says "Thank you."
I said, "No Problem."
And after that.
James.
He has me somewhat cornered.
I can't walk away without being rude.
Ha.
He is at it again.
Why does your friend only like short guys?
(I wanted to say, maybe its because she is short)
(I don't know. Ask her)
(What? She dated ONE GUY, this summer for 2 weeks and she likes short guys???)
(Is all of this stuff about why do girls like guys like The Cowboy, or is it you have a crush on my friend?)
None of these () things do I say, partly because I just want to get away.
I don't know exactly what makes him "unlikable"
He's boring?
He doesn't shut up - this is definitely one of them.
He seems to simply have no idea how to behave in public (no social skills, from what I've experienced).
So finally I do escape.
I go get water.
And my only out is through the restaurant's kitchen, and the front desk door.
I take it.
Maybe a little more drama than necessary.
But really.
I'm here to have fun.
I'm here to dance.
To flirt.
To have fun.
I don't want to hear, "I'm not trying to brag myself up, but I like to fish and hunt. If you get to know me, you will learn that I am a funny guy. I can't dance but I can sing. I sing at karokee on Wednesday nights (wow, I just remembered THAT as I typed). I'm not going to tell a girl she looks good in a fight cage (huh?)."
After I bail, I find my friend.
She simply says, "its because he won't shut the fuck up."
And so I find him, and I tell him that very thing.
And what does he do??
HE FIGHTS WITH ME, ABOUT IT.
What?
I have to go dance, to get away.
The rest of the night, he doesn't talk.
He glares, he ignores.
I feel kind of bad.
At the same time, he asked. He pressured. He wouldn't leave it alone. He couldn't just be fun, he had to keep asking me, keep at me.
It feels odd to have a guy ask a girl "why do girls like guys that want nothing? That are just playing you."
There are so many answers to that question, and none of them are going to suffice this guy.
Bottom line, it really depends on where YOU ARE in your life.
A great band was playing in town.
Lots of people were there, plenty of them I did not know.
One man, I've met.....
And the hot crush. ....
James.
He is the one man, I've met.
I met him through The Cowboy, who, was there as well.
I don't actually dislike James, in fact one evening I thought he could be, maybe fun?
After last night, who knows.
And now, I may never know.
James.
He found my friend and I.
We didn't want him.
I think mostly, because with him, comes the Cowboy.
And this cowboy pretty much thinks TOO highly of himself.
James.
I think he is the Cowboy's boss.
They also live together.
It's hard to decipher if they "like" each other -
It doesn't matter, though for some reason, it does.
James.
Mostly when I see him coming, I think "oh shit."
I guess I actually find him boring.
And maybe a bit like the Cowboy.
It's ALL about him.
Did he once ask me, last night, how I was?
What I liked to do?
No.
He talked non-stop about how he accidentally spit in this girl's face.
And then when she came back from "drying off," he apologized to her endlessly for 20 minutes.
Tried to explain, why...how it happened.
It doesn't really matter in a sense... it's one of those things.
Finally, as a girl who was standing there, who had had him ask "why are girls attracted to 'players,'" I said, "enough. You've apologized, now MOVE ON.
He replied, "You didn't get spit on."
No, I didn't. But move on.
I wasn't wrong.
Then later, he's talking to Bill.
My friend says, "Ask Bill to dance."
And I do.
And Bill says "Thank you."
I said, "No Problem."
And after that.
James.
He has me somewhat cornered.
I can't walk away without being rude.
Ha.
He is at it again.
Why does your friend only like short guys?
(I wanted to say, maybe its because she is short)
(I don't know. Ask her)
(What? She dated ONE GUY, this summer for 2 weeks and she likes short guys???)
(Is all of this stuff about why do girls like guys like The Cowboy, or is it you have a crush on my friend?)
None of these () things do I say, partly because I just want to get away.
I don't know exactly what makes him "unlikable"
He's boring?
He doesn't shut up - this is definitely one of them.
He seems to simply have no idea how to behave in public (no social skills, from what I've experienced).
So finally I do escape.
I go get water.
And my only out is through the restaurant's kitchen, and the front desk door.
I take it.
Maybe a little more drama than necessary.
But really.
I'm here to have fun.
I'm here to dance.
To flirt.
To have fun.
I don't want to hear, "I'm not trying to brag myself up, but I like to fish and hunt. If you get to know me, you will learn that I am a funny guy. I can't dance but I can sing. I sing at karokee on Wednesday nights (wow, I just remembered THAT as I typed). I'm not going to tell a girl she looks good in a fight cage (huh?)."
After I bail, I find my friend.
She simply says, "its because he won't shut the fuck up."
And so I find him, and I tell him that very thing.
And what does he do??
HE FIGHTS WITH ME, ABOUT IT.
What?
I have to go dance, to get away.
The rest of the night, he doesn't talk.
He glares, he ignores.
I feel kind of bad.
At the same time, he asked. He pressured. He wouldn't leave it alone. He couldn't just be fun, he had to keep asking me, keep at me.
It feels odd to have a guy ask a girl "why do girls like guys that want nothing? That are just playing you."
There are so many answers to that question, and none of them are going to suffice this guy.
Bottom line, it really depends on where YOU ARE in your life.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
The Jump 2012
The jump is so frightening between where I am and where I want to be. Because of all I may become, I will close my eyes and leap. ~ Mary Ann Radmacher
And. so. 2012 began with me "trying" to buy the beer I said I would buy for the fella I've had this crush on for 4 months.
It was my friend's words, "I'm too chicken" for me to be encouraged to buy the beer. Then he moved. Then he had a beer. Then some woman (who I know) stole him from me (ha) and gave him a shot. And then when I finally spoke to him, he said, "I'm drunk-ish." My friend said, "he's drunk." He did say goodnight to both of us.
I have been trying to live by an essay:
I act in spite of fear
I act in spite of doubt
I act in spite of worry
I act in spite of inconvienience
I act in spite of discomfort
I act when I am not in the mood....
I acted. Yes, it was better than wondering, trying to figure it all out.
And when I got home, I recalled other words from a friend. IN "love," there is no wrong, there is no right or wrong answer, way, being. There just is. Its just whatever it is at the moment.
The Jump, 2012.
And. so. 2012 began with me "trying" to buy the beer I said I would buy for the fella I've had this crush on for 4 months.
It was my friend's words, "I'm too chicken" for me to be encouraged to buy the beer. Then he moved. Then he had a beer. Then some woman (who I know) stole him from me (ha) and gave him a shot. And then when I finally spoke to him, he said, "I'm drunk-ish." My friend said, "he's drunk." He did say goodnight to both of us.
I have been trying to live by an essay:
I act in spite of fear
I act in spite of doubt
I act in spite of worry
I act in spite of inconvienience
I act in spite of discomfort
I act when I am not in the mood....
I acted. Yes, it was better than wondering, trying to figure it all out.
And when I got home, I recalled other words from a friend. IN "love," there is no wrong, there is no right or wrong answer, way, being. There just is. Its just whatever it is at the moment.
The Jump, 2012.
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