That is a Quote shared with me this morning; as I grieve a little for the guy I was kind of falling for, who didn't behave as he said he would. Had he been a gentleman, had MY needs been important - he would have gotten more than he wanted, probably! :)
What sucks about the immaturity of Big Timber is that in a way he totally ruined that weekend with him in Big Timber. I could go on with great memories and not expecting any more from him. However since he's such an immature boy - I don't know. It makes the fun of that weekend less fun, now.
Looking for my Dance Partner....
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Mary a Side Note
So then the other thing I wrestle with is - my Rodeo date and Jay - both came to Sheridan/passing through Sheridan on their way elsewhere and thought "meet Mary," or have a date for the Rodeo (which I too was happy to have).
Jay, I met at the Mint on Tuesday for a beer. He was on his way through for Cheyenne Frontier Days. He gulped his 1st beer rather quickly; didn't seem ALL that interest in truly visiting with me as he looked around the bar - but it did seem that he had a hearing problem. AND then his cell phone went off - and he answered it!
Turns out he is a realtor in Big Fork, Big Sky?? Big Something Montana. And a fella from Nebraska, whom he sold a property to in Montana, was on his way and was in Sheridan at the same time. So in trying to get this friend/new property owner down to the Mint (I was wondering "Am I invited to dinner, too? This is awkward") and having a difficult time doing it, I got on the phone. Trying to be helpful, I butted in.
Long story short, the guy showed up - Jay was outside with him for a good 10 minutes before I decided I'd had enough of this rodeo. I gave him 4 more minutes and amazingly he did come in - he said, "Sorry Mary, I didn't know...*" and Can I walk you to your truck?
Now, I won't lie - I had tears in my eyes. NOT so much because I was all that into Jay (I wasn't); mostly because I can't believe the actions of other people. How insensitive can you be??? Then again, Jay is 50 and never been married. IMAGINE that?!
I told him no, I could walk myself to my truck.
Then I went to The Pony to get a to-go order.
While there, Jay and his friend showed up.
Jay sent me a text (prior to me realizing he was a few stools down at the bar) saying "I'm sorry Mary, I guess I didn't tell you I had dinner plans."*
* Well - NO. 1st you tell me that you didn't know, now you tell me that you "guess" you didn't tell me about your dinner plans. They don't add up. Furthermore, I am not a side note. I am not an appetizer. I'm a person with real feelings trying to meet a REAL man who wants to have a good time. And how do you expect to have a good time with someone if you aren't going to be present for it?
So this leads me to David. He's coming over sometime this upcoming week to do something fun with me. He can, so he is. But this was only after I told him that I really didn't see how adding me to his "paragliding" adventure was a benefit - a spoiling - to me. To me a first date IS where we both have something to lose. Its where if it doesn't work out, if we don't like each other, we both have to go back to our cars and lick our wounds. It isn't where he gets to go have fun with his buddies and I have to find something to do. And surprisingly, when I told him this - he changed plans. In a good way. He told me (on the phone) that by reading that, he realized that this was a girl who knew what she wanted. That stood her ground. And he liked it. He also realized that expecting me to hang with his Paraglide buddies was expecting a bit much (yep). So we are going to do something this week. Don't know what or where.
Jay, I met at the Mint on Tuesday for a beer. He was on his way through for Cheyenne Frontier Days. He gulped his 1st beer rather quickly; didn't seem ALL that interest in truly visiting with me as he looked around the bar - but it did seem that he had a hearing problem. AND then his cell phone went off - and he answered it!
Turns out he is a realtor in Big Fork, Big Sky?? Big Something Montana. And a fella from Nebraska, whom he sold a property to in Montana, was on his way and was in Sheridan at the same time. So in trying to get this friend/new property owner down to the Mint (I was wondering "Am I invited to dinner, too? This is awkward") and having a difficult time doing it, I got on the phone. Trying to be helpful, I butted in.
Long story short, the guy showed up - Jay was outside with him for a good 10 minutes before I decided I'd had enough of this rodeo. I gave him 4 more minutes and amazingly he did come in - he said, "Sorry Mary, I didn't know...*" and Can I walk you to your truck?
Now, I won't lie - I had tears in my eyes. NOT so much because I was all that into Jay (I wasn't); mostly because I can't believe the actions of other people. How insensitive can you be??? Then again, Jay is 50 and never been married. IMAGINE that?!
I told him no, I could walk myself to my truck.
Then I went to The Pony to get a to-go order.
While there, Jay and his friend showed up.
Jay sent me a text (prior to me realizing he was a few stools down at the bar) saying "I'm sorry Mary, I guess I didn't tell you I had dinner plans."*
* Well - NO. 1st you tell me that you didn't know, now you tell me that you "guess" you didn't tell me about your dinner plans. They don't add up. Furthermore, I am not a side note. I am not an appetizer. I'm a person with real feelings trying to meet a REAL man who wants to have a good time. And how do you expect to have a good time with someone if you aren't going to be present for it?
So this leads me to David. He's coming over sometime this upcoming week to do something fun with me. He can, so he is. But this was only after I told him that I really didn't see how adding me to his "paragliding" adventure was a benefit - a spoiling - to me. To me a first date IS where we both have something to lose. Its where if it doesn't work out, if we don't like each other, we both have to go back to our cars and lick our wounds. It isn't where he gets to go have fun with his buddies and I have to find something to do. And surprisingly, when I told him this - he changed plans. In a good way. He told me (on the phone) that by reading that, he realized that this was a girl who knew what she wanted. That stood her ground. And he liked it. He also realized that expecting me to hang with his Paraglide buddies was expecting a bit much (yep). So we are going to do something this week. Don't know what or where.
The Ugly Truth
Yes, I watched the movie last night after being prompted by a friend to watch it more than once. Great movie! I LOVED it, especially love Gerald Butler.
Blogging, writing, journaling are great tools. They really are. We just take so little time to write.
So Big Timber crashed and burned; turns out he is a 43 year old man with the mentality of a 13 year old. He is a cruel boy that points out things that are so unimportant at such an early stage in a relationship. And I told him so; told him I needed a man in my life, not a boy. I need a man who is giving, who realizes that a relationship is about BOTH sides of the equation, not just HIS needs in bed.
The other thing to Big Timber is the guy is 43. He has 5 children (now that I think about it, what he told me, they might be from 2 different wives). His youngest AT BEST is only 18. And he has no contact with them, left them on the mainland while he goes to Hawaii. In his profile, he also talks about his dog, that he apparently "loves," yet left her too.
So far, though, the hardest one to really swallow is my Rodeo Date. I had such high hopes for him, and while I'm not waiting (I really am not), it is difficult to not want him to come around. Grow up. I don't even know if its grow up - I think it is more like Dry Up. He is a MEAN drunk.
And a friend I went to college with, one time shared some insight from her mom - find out what a man is like when they've been drinking. A mean drunk is a WARNING sign. There is a reason he's been divorced twice. Though I have to say that if he was "dry," he'd probably be a great guy. But I can't wait for that, especially since he didn't even apologize for letting me walk home from the street dance, alone - or even call to see if I made it home safely.
My girlfriend, WL, who has been on this journey with me from the beginning told me last night that if I learned something from Big Timber and Rodeo then it was NOT all for nothing. What I learned is that in about 3 weeks, they both showed something that wasn't apparent in the opening. And it wasn't pretty, nor was it something that I wanted to deal with for any length of time.
Blogging, writing, journaling are great tools. They really are. We just take so little time to write.
So Big Timber crashed and burned; turns out he is a 43 year old man with the mentality of a 13 year old. He is a cruel boy that points out things that are so unimportant at such an early stage in a relationship. And I told him so; told him I needed a man in my life, not a boy. I need a man who is giving, who realizes that a relationship is about BOTH sides of the equation, not just HIS needs in bed.
The other thing to Big Timber is the guy is 43. He has 5 children (now that I think about it, what he told me, they might be from 2 different wives). His youngest AT BEST is only 18. And he has no contact with them, left them on the mainland while he goes to Hawaii. In his profile, he also talks about his dog, that he apparently "loves," yet left her too.
So far, though, the hardest one to really swallow is my Rodeo Date. I had such high hopes for him, and while I'm not waiting (I really am not), it is difficult to not want him to come around. Grow up. I don't even know if its grow up - I think it is more like Dry Up. He is a MEAN drunk.
And a friend I went to college with, one time shared some insight from her mom - find out what a man is like when they've been drinking. A mean drunk is a WARNING sign. There is a reason he's been divorced twice. Though I have to say that if he was "dry," he'd probably be a great guy. But I can't wait for that, especially since he didn't even apologize for letting me walk home from the street dance, alone - or even call to see if I made it home safely.
My girlfriend, WL, who has been on this journey with me from the beginning told me last night that if I learned something from Big Timber and Rodeo then it was NOT all for nothing. What I learned is that in about 3 weeks, they both showed something that wasn't apparent in the opening. And it wasn't pretty, nor was it something that I wanted to deal with for any length of time.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
High Hopes?
I really don't want to write, and yet, it will be very theraputic.
My Rodeo Date turned into a real jerk. Showed me so little respect that I find it hard to write. I know that his actions are about him, and not me - even if he would like to blame me. One of my friends thought that he might call today and apologize, but so far he hasn't. I don't know that he will. Pretty rude to take someone to the Rodeo and the street dance and then not want to dance with them...not want to talk to them... want them to "mingle" and then be upset when I say "I'm leaving." Not upset enough to stop me, but upset enough to say shit to me.
It was a constant left then right. I couldn't do anything correctly. He wasn't having any fun with me, but that was because he ran into an old (lady) friend that he clearly liked and remembered the "good ole days" when she and another woman would be asking him to dance....and now they weren't. Guess he hasn't grown up??
Yes, as I text with friends and even prepare an email to him that I MIGHT send him, basically he didn't want to be at the street dance with me - and I don't feel that it had anything to do with me. Or at least not enough of me to be so rude to me.
And yet I know LOTS happens when people are feeling anxiety, haven't had enough to sleep and have drank too much. It was the worst time in my prior marriage - when we had been going and going, not enough sleep and way too much alcohol!
My Rodeo Date turned into a real jerk. Showed me so little respect that I find it hard to write. I know that his actions are about him, and not me - even if he would like to blame me. One of my friends thought that he might call today and apologize, but so far he hasn't. I don't know that he will. Pretty rude to take someone to the Rodeo and the street dance and then not want to dance with them...not want to talk to them... want them to "mingle" and then be upset when I say "I'm leaving." Not upset enough to stop me, but upset enough to say shit to me.
It was a constant left then right. I couldn't do anything correctly. He wasn't having any fun with me, but that was because he ran into an old (lady) friend that he clearly liked and remembered the "good ole days" when she and another woman would be asking him to dance....and now they weren't. Guess he hasn't grown up??
Yes, as I text with friends and even prepare an email to him that I MIGHT send him, basically he didn't want to be at the street dance with me - and I don't feel that it had anything to do with me. Or at least not enough of me to be so rude to me.
And yet I know LOTS happens when people are feeling anxiety, haven't had enough to sleep and have drank too much. It was the worst time in my prior marriage - when we had been going and going, not enough sleep and way too much alcohol!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Friends Are the Glue....
Just so you know, friends are absolutely necessary at any age that you are dating. Really, they are necessary in a successful life. However, I certainly would not have made it into 3 months of dating now, with out them.
One friend has been through it all with me; she knew me when I was married, has been SUPPORTIVE through and after my divorce and has given me great guidance through this dating online. Two of her comments that I think of, often have been 1) don't be glued to the computer, don't spend more than an hour a day on it - looking for men and 2) JUST BE.
Just be came into play last night when my Rodeo Date found out what I did for a living. I think he is okay with it, and I have to tell myself... be STRONG, be CONFIDENT and it will be okay.
Another friend has listened to every date story, thus far. She even called prior to the Digger Dave date to give me moral support and then what turned out to be after my date, in hopes to be my "Wing Man Call" to get me the hell outta there, if needed (not). She's given me advice on things that no way would I ever discuss with my mom or sister.
All friends that I've shared my tale of woes with - just that I've started online dating, seeking a relationship in my life, has been met with cheers and support. And thats great. At 43, I need my friends. They are the Glue, the flowers, the base, the BEST in life.
Don't leave home without 'em.
One friend has been through it all with me; she knew me when I was married, has been SUPPORTIVE through and after my divorce and has given me great guidance through this dating online. Two of her comments that I think of, often have been 1) don't be glued to the computer, don't spend more than an hour a day on it - looking for men and 2) JUST BE.
Just be came into play last night when my Rodeo Date found out what I did for a living. I think he is okay with it, and I have to tell myself... be STRONG, be CONFIDENT and it will be okay.
Another friend has listened to every date story, thus far. She even called prior to the Digger Dave date to give me moral support and then what turned out to be after my date, in hopes to be my "Wing Man Call" to get me the hell outta there, if needed (not). She's given me advice on things that no way would I ever discuss with my mom or sister.
All friends that I've shared my tale of woes with - just that I've started online dating, seeking a relationship in my life, has been met with cheers and support. And thats great. At 43, I need my friends. They are the Glue, the flowers, the base, the BEST in life.
Don't leave home without 'em.
Monday, July 12, 2010
TomCat Down
TomCat bit the dust on Friday night, I'm afraid. I had thought of maybe trying for one more date, though after discussing it with a friend - what happened - I know better.
What happened? nothing horrible. He is just 10 years younger than me, and proved why I don't usually date younger men. I don't date them because they lack a maturity that I can't give them (its also not my job to do so, I know). He is very polite, witty, has insight beyond his years -
But he got new boots/shoes on Friday. We had talked about it before our date. Then during our date, first he put his feet up on the chairs in front of us, as though to show them off. When that didn't do much, he stretched out one and retied it. Then the other. Then when I commented - well I don't remember. Then he flicked a rock from the tread in one...and commented on it. Please, take care of the issue and move on.
I had told him I would re-teach him the 2 step, but when he commented that he would need his other shoes to dance in, I thought "I can't re-teach him." I don't want to.
I realize that no man can have all the qualities I WANT, and I accept that. But a quiet maturity, someone who is okay with himself, is a must.
What happened? nothing horrible. He is just 10 years younger than me, and proved why I don't usually date younger men. I don't date them because they lack a maturity that I can't give them (its also not my job to do so, I know). He is very polite, witty, has insight beyond his years -
But he got new boots/shoes on Friday. We had talked about it before our date. Then during our date, first he put his feet up on the chairs in front of us, as though to show them off. When that didn't do much, he stretched out one and retied it. Then the other. Then when I commented - well I don't remember. Then he flicked a rock from the tread in one...and commented on it. Please, take care of the issue and move on.
I had told him I would re-teach him the 2 step, but when he commented that he would need his other shoes to dance in, I thought "I can't re-teach him." I don't want to.
I realize that no man can have all the qualities I WANT, and I accept that. But a quiet maturity, someone who is okay with himself, is a must.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Moving On...Growth..Changes
Tonight I write about a guy who I flirted with over a year ago. Our relationship stemmed from work; we worked for 2 different companies, though we had a common link and often worked together. All our relationship really consisted of, was sexting. We did do a few things together, and we've eaten out a couple times and I've had dinner at his house - once.
Truthfully, THANK GOODNESS it never was more. Truly, THANK GOODNESS we never even kissed.
Honestly, I was never attracted to him physically, and never could be. Though interesting how the mind can work - how I was actually attracted to his mind, his thoughts...
And we shared some common interests. Though not many.
Now, my life is taking a turn - for the better I think.
I am actively seeking not only a man in my life, to share it with, I am seeking a new career path. Making choices and taking responsibility for my life.
And as I do these - along with some realizations of this former attraction - my interest in this man is no longer there. Not that I always ever cared about the "gossip" in town, because I usually didn't. Now I don't. Which isn't to say that I don't partake, I just partake with MY friends. People I do really care about.
Anyways, the growth in all this to me, is to see, TRULY SEE, what its like to grow away from someone.
It really isn't about him, its about me.
Though things about him, definitely have contributed to the fact.
Still its about me, not him, and I'm good with that.
Truthfully, THANK GOODNESS it never was more. Truly, THANK GOODNESS we never even kissed.
Honestly, I was never attracted to him physically, and never could be. Though interesting how the mind can work - how I was actually attracted to his mind, his thoughts...
And we shared some common interests. Though not many.
Now, my life is taking a turn - for the better I think.
I am actively seeking not only a man in my life, to share it with, I am seeking a new career path. Making choices and taking responsibility for my life.
And as I do these - along with some realizations of this former attraction - my interest in this man is no longer there. Not that I always ever cared about the "gossip" in town, because I usually didn't. Now I don't. Which isn't to say that I don't partake, I just partake with MY friends. People I do really care about.
Anyways, the growth in all this to me, is to see, TRULY SEE, what its like to grow away from someone.
It really isn't about him, its about me.
Though things about him, definitely have contributed to the fact.
Still its about me, not him, and I'm good with that.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Worthy of Pursuing?
After 3 dates with 3 different men; 2 of them great dates, the other...blah.. I am "getting" that when you are in the presense of at least a good candidate (not necessarily THEE one), communicating and enjoying ones-self as well as the other person, just happens. It isn't forced, it isn't all that difficult. It just is.
With both of the 2 dates that I've had that have been lots of fun, I was just me (which isn't to say that I wasn't with my "blah" date) - and it clicked. We connected. We talked, we laughed, we had fun. Whether we see each other again, don't know. Definitely closer to a yes, than a no.
Whereas with the blah date, merely talking was difficult. And all my "moves" - even though they WERE NOT meant to be anything other than me adjusting in my chair - were noted and I felt more uncomfortable. There wasn't anything that I WANTED to talk about with him because I just knew I wasn't interested in him.
SO its easier to just be who you are, when you are in the presense of a "righter" person for you rather than someone who isn't the right person. And all relationships take work, especially the GREAT ones. And why not put your hard work into the right person, rather than someone you wish you could have, but is the wrong person?
With both of the 2 dates that I've had that have been lots of fun, I was just me (which isn't to say that I wasn't with my "blah" date) - and it clicked. We connected. We talked, we laughed, we had fun. Whether we see each other again, don't know. Definitely closer to a yes, than a no.
Whereas with the blah date, merely talking was difficult. And all my "moves" - even though they WERE NOT meant to be anything other than me adjusting in my chair - were noted and I felt more uncomfortable. There wasn't anything that I WANTED to talk about with him because I just knew I wasn't interested in him.
SO its easier to just be who you are, when you are in the presense of a "righter" person for you rather than someone who isn't the right person. And all relationships take work, especially the GREAT ones. And why not put your hard work into the right person, rather than someone you wish you could have, but is the wrong person?
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