The Facade

I am considering (highly) contacting my ex-husband.  This will be the first time in, heavens, years.  At least 5 if not more.  Wow, where did the time go?

There was once a time that I thought it would never end.  That he would be on my mind always.  That, in some ways, I would never love another, like him.  

I have one last .... need.  I won't go into it,  here.  It's very private for me.  However 9 years ago, he offered something and I didn't take it because of my own pride.  Well, I'm swallowing my pride.

My question, my reason for contacting him is a thought I've had. And until Tuesday, I honestly thought "you can't."  However I shared it with another, my "thing," this last piece of my history really that I want to put to bed.  That is haunting me and I don't want to carry it anymore.  It is the last thing.

In some ways, I suppose my own facade.

That point, "my own facade," came shockingly, just now.  This post actually began about him.  

In some sense, he has moved on, quite a bit.  I don't doubt that, I never have.  He married approximately 3 years ago.  To a woman who really does have her own issues.  

It isn't that the family doesn't like her, nor is it that it appears she doesn't like them.  I don't know the issues, nor do I care.  I find them interesting, when I am around all of them.  This division; this woman controlling my ex-husband in a manner so surprising to me.  I never did. It was always his mom, controlling him.

Up until he ran into this "new wife," he would at least speak to me, in public.  For about a year, that hurt, his behavior towards me.  I wondered "what did I do?"  And then with time, and help from friends, I realized, I did nothing.  It was, it is, her.

SHE HAS and he has allowed her influence to make it so HE HAS, an issue with the ex-wife, who has absolutely nothing specifically, nothing purposely to do with them.

SHE HAS issues.  Simple as that.

And as I ponder calling him, wondering if she will come into the picture - even though it isn't about her - it's between him and I - it dawned on me,

his behavior, when I am around, could very well be a facade.

It isn't that his feelings for me have changed to something bad, and it isn't necessarily that he is letting her control him and how he behaves.... it is that he, may very well, be embarrassed ?  that he got into a relationship in which he again, has to bow to another.  That in order to make this relationship work, he has to pretend and allow her to call the shots??